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I don't want to be a yeller...but...

I am losing my mind with my 3 year old.. He is sooo defiant and I know its a 3 year old phase/stage.. i try to explain and get to his level and reason ( if you can that is ) but he is strong willed and doesn't even seem to have the attention span to listen to my quick explanation or consequence of what will happen for his behavior.. plus he is like a mini version of his father, who is a complete smart mouth lol!~ I didn't know that could be genetic but he was born with that back talk and I feel more and more he's in time out for that and I am losing my cool.. this past weekend I found myself literally yelling at him.. I KNOW this won't work and he'll ignore or yell back at me eventually.. how do you not lose your mind though through this phase/stage?? I feel horrible..

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 11:22 AM on Feb. 14, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • OMG, it's my situation all over!! I don't think it's genetic, I just think that when he sees daddy doing it, that's how he is supposed to talk. There are many occasions when my husband says something "smart" and he comes along behind him and says the same thing. I know how to ignore my husband but when my child talks to me like that, I get so frustrated because he needs to respect me! This morning, my son (who is 3 as well) started mouthing off to me. I said I am not going to deal with it today and take his present back for V-Day because boys who mouth off don't deserve to get presents. He told me to stop yelling! I told him I wasn't yelling, he said "yes you are!" So I yelled, not at him but in general, and told him "that was yelling!" He mouthed off some more.

    I feel your pain! It seems to be getting worse too! :-/
    alyssamal

    Answer by alyssamal at 11:26 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Sounds like you need some new ideas. I would try positive rewards instead of always punishing. Maybe gettign a jar and letting him decorate it, then get colored marbles. When he does something he is suppose to, like a choir or something he gets a marble. If he does something wrong, like talking back, then you take a marble away. This is a visual thing and might help him. You set the rules up when you are all calm and then post them somewhere. After he gets "X" amount of marbles he gets a special treat. With my kids they got either mom and me time, I have 3 children, or we went for ice cream or I made their favorite dinner.

    I think at this age kids are always testing and you have to stad your ground and not let them get away with things. If you say you are going to do something, make sure it is something you will follow through with because if it is not then they will learn quickly that they can get away with things.
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 11:27 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Try whispering to him. His response may surprise you.
    zebbiebug

    Answer by zebbiebug at 11:23 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Great suggestion cornflakegirl3! :o) I may try that with my son because nothing seems to be working at this point!!
    alyssamal

    Answer by alyssamal at 11:29 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I have been threw that same situation and I had to nip his behaviour in the bud. I do not yell and when i do one time a month the kids now know i am serious because I never yell. For a three year old there attention span is very short, so you have to shorten and fastly tell your reason of why they shouldnt do whatever they are doing. Keep a same tone and count to three use your fingers and when you to three set him in corner for time out if he doesnt stop. if he moves with out saying anything just keep putting him back nicely. I kill weakness with kindness and now my children hate that the wrost.
    kalynskorner

    Answer by kalynskorner at 11:32 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • OMG, I could have asked your question verbatim and it would totally correlate to my life. They are stubborn little buggers ha. Sometimes I send him to his room mostly so I don't just lose it with him altogether. This is the age where they test boundaries and so reason and logic don't seem to prevail. I have found the most effective option is a time out but what is effective is that for several minutes I give myself a time out and I just won't talk to or acknowledge him. If he gets up I pick him up and put him back without talking. He truly hates the lack of attention and that makes him think twice the second time. Not too worry the trying threes will be over soon and the fearsome fours will make this look like cake.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 11:35 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I am not a huge reader but there is a book called scream-free parenting and it is amazing! It totally changed my parenting philosophy! You can listen to it for free on itunes, just do a search for it and there are some pod casts you can download. I love it because there is no bribery, it's all about choices and consequences, and letting the consequences to the screaming. The concept this therapist teaches are so basic, by far the best parenting book I have read! I listen to the podcasts sometimes at work just as a refresher- they are pretty much his book word-for word/
    LoMama72

    Answer by LoMama72 at 11:41 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • OMG.. Max does that to me too.. "Don't yell at me" or "we don't say NO to people,. that's not nice" Grrr.... and I swear he MUST get the last word - this morning actually we have a tent in the living room preparing for a trip, since he won't sleep anywhere but home.. we are practicing on the air mattress, anyway, he grabbed the poles to shake them ( for the 15th time over the weekend ) and I said Max, this is your last warning, you need to stop pulling on the tent or it will be coming down.. he looked at me and REplaced his hand on the pole.. REALLY??? so it came down and he was fine with that.. he is fine with toys being taken away 99% of the time too - I told him the other night pretty soon if he keeps this up, he will have no toys.. His response " I guess I will have no toys then" lol.. what do you do with that ?
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 11:32 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Oh I LOVE that idea Cornflake girl.. Thank you!! I will certainly try that one.. TONIGHT!! lol!
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 11:33 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • ya, toys don't work with us anymore either. Time-outs are not effective either. I'm going to try the marble thing and see how that goes!! I already have the stuff on my store list ;o) hahaha

    Hope it goes smoothly with you!! :o)
    alyssamal

    Answer by alyssamal at 11:36 AM on Feb. 14, 2011

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