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Am i being unfair?

Ugh.DH was being so very rude to me yesterday. It continued all night. It got so bad that he put his forehead on mine and screamed in my face telling me how crappy I am. I was so hurt and crying. He just fell asleep. This morning as I am getting ready to go to work he says he wants to surprise me and take me out to lunch with the kids. I said no. He looked sad because Valentines day is so important to him and I know he must have planned this for a while. He even took the day off work. But I feel so terrible for how he is treating me. I just don't want to see his face. His alarm on his cell phone is our song "Valentine" and when it went off this morning I wanted to throw up. I don't even want to go home after work. He sent me a text that said he loved me and he wants me to know how I mean to him and the family. But it makes me sick. How can he be so very mean to me then turn on a dime and act like the best husband ever and all the terrible words he said mean nothing anymore? They just sit in the air and add to all the things he has said over the last year that hurt me still. He just thinks he can do whatever he wants then turn on the charm and I will do anything for him. He's moppy and sad today. Is it wrong that I just don't care?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Feb. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • No, it's not wrong. He needs an attitude adjustment ASAP if he thinks doing that is okay.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 2:54 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Nope it isnt wrong. Words and actions have a consequence and what he is doing to you is considering emotional abuse. He may not be hitting you but he is hurting you with his words and actions.

    Answer by gemgem at 2:55 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • It sounds to me like he's verbally abusive. I'd tell him that he can't just turn around and flip the switch like that. You can't just scream in someone's face one day and 12 hours later act like it never happened. You have every right to still be upset.

    Answer by KWnavywife at 2:55 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Nope, not wrong. If a man cares for you then everyday should be Valentines day. They should treat you right everyday of the year, not just when it's a holiday or convienient.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:55 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • No, it isn't wrong. I wouldn't go to lunch with him acting like that either. He needs to grow up and get a handle on his anger issues. You need to sit down and tell him how damaging his behavior is and come up with some strategies for next time.

    Answer by spottedpony at 2:57 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • What I told my hubby to straighten him out - I might forget the words you said to me - BUT I won;t ever forget how you made me feel.

    Answer by JusaLady at 3:00 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • OMG, I feel for you. :-( He's delusional if he thinks that after screaming at you last night he can just turn around like nothing happened.

    My dad told me a story once about crumpled paper. He gave me a please of paper and told me to crumple it up, I did. They he told me to straighten it and flatten it as much as I could with my hands, I tried. No matter how much I tried, there were still wrinkles on the paper where it had been folded and crumpled. When I gave up, he told me "That's how my heart is left after you yell at me or so me any wrong. It is never the same again. and every time it gets more wrinkled." I never yelled at my dad again.

    Maybe you should try to have a heart to hear with your DH. Tell him how you feel after last night and this morning. If you think it'd help.

    Answer by Dalimonster at 3:00 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I can say that sometimes we expect our men to tolerate all of our "stuff" and continue to keep loving us. Men are simple. They react usually when we are not treating them right. My advice would be to truely logically look at if you may have provoked any part of his anger. Yesterday is gone. It is not fair to keep being mad no matter what happened. Men do forget fast- we can learn from them. No one is perfect and it takes two to argue. Life is too short to be miserable. He sounds like he is trying. Give him a chance and forgive. Past tripping can be hurtful and harmful. It is easier to live for "this moment". Good luck. Hugs :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 3:00 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • He sounds like an ass but do you plan to forgive him sooner or later? I have learned to stop wasting time holding grudges against my husband if I know I'm eventually going to "get over it".
    Do you want to continuing being mad and miss out on lunch with him and the kids? It's up to you but you'll have to forgive him sooner or later and today sounds like a great time to start.
    Then, after lunch, you can talk about what a jerk he's been and what he can do about it.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 3:01 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Nope not wrong at all, I agree it sounds abusive as well. What a jerk he is being. I would suggest counseling or it is just gonna get a lot worse if this has been going on for around a year. Sorry he is being a jerk, but if him being sad is the price he must pay then so be it. Hope you have a better day! :)

    Answer by AmI88 at 3:04 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

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