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2 Bumps

What should I do about this situation,clueless?

So this is a long story, basically my mom got remarried to my stepdad 10 years ago when I was 10. He wasn't a good stepfather,didn't care about me or my mom. They had my sister together who is now 5. Now my mom and him are in the middle of getting a divorce. I feel so stuck in the middle because my mom tells me I can't talk to him or his family. The problem is I like his family,not so much him but his family has always been like family to me. Now I do have a real dad and his family so he's in the picture but basically now my stepdads family is not there for me anymore. They were my grandparents took care of me took me places bought me nice gifts etc. Now that this divorce is going on they just kinda you know dropped me and are acting like I was never part of their family. I feel like I was never the grandkid, and it hurts.It does really upset me. I've actually known them since I was 5 so they've always been in my life up til now. They don't associate with me because of my mom and it's very upsetting. Just recently I got married and my mom wouldn't allow me to invite them to my wedding and I feel terrible about that for listening to her. And they didn't call us or send us a card, anything they basically think they're not my grandparents now. It really hurts my feelings I don't know how to go about this this divorce is a mess it's really sad and I feel stuck in the middle cause my mom tells me what to do and so on.I would like some advice how to get through this and how to go about it what to do???

Answer Question
 
bellaambru90

Asked by bellaambru90 at 3:51 PM on Feb. 14, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (842 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • You do what you want to do. You are a grown woman. If you want them to be a part of your life then you should reach out to them and see what happens. More then likely your mom probably told them not to include you just like she told you not to talk to them. I am sure they love and care about you and do accept you but are just as much in the middle as you are. If you dont reach out then you will always wonder and will always be hurt making assumptions about them. If you reach out and they tell you to to go hell then atleast you tried.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:08 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I don't think its fair for you mother to think that she can just put people in and out of your life as she sees fit, her choices in life put them into your life but what burden is it to her if you talk to them still. I think your mom is being selfish telling you who you can love. I am guessing she might intentionally or uninentionally have cut the cord from your stepgrandparents. I would take time perhaps for a belated valentines day or maybe the next holiday and just send them a card and let them know that you appreciate all they ever did and that you love them and nothing will ever change that. Worst case scenario it will give you closure on your side. Not inviting them to a wedding was a big shut door on your part regardless of who mandated it.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 4:12 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I imagine they were pretty hurt by not being invited to the wedding. Maybe they think you dropped them... most people wouldn't send a card or gift if they were sunbbed from the ceremony. Maybe you should reach out to them and explain why you didn't invite them.. you may be pleasantly surprised and find out it is just a big misunderstanding.
    ConcernedMom141

    Answer by ConcernedMom141 at 4:14 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I'd reach out.
    vivc81

    Answer by vivc81 at 4:19 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Ya that really does make since I do regret not inviting them it's really sad I hate this so much :(
    bellaambru90

    Comment by bellaambru90 (original poster) at 4:20 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I will answer this from my perspective. My husband (DH) raised a young lady for 10 years with his ex wife. He loved this girl dearly and tried to adopt her. His mom, her step grandma, loved her too and included her in everything. This marriage ended badly with the bio mom taking this girl away from the stepfather, never to be seen again. The mom taught the girl and her son, my DH's child, to hate my DH. He mourns them both and so does his mother. I think you are old enough to contact the family on your own. Write them a letter telling them how much you miss them and want them in your life. Then let them take it from there. It could be that they just feel very uncomfortable with all the divorce stuff and are trying to be loyal to their son.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 7:56 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

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