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3 Bumps

Telling BFF who MC about a new pregnancy...

My BF, who is more like a sister, recently gave birth to a full term stillborn son. She is of course grieving the loss of her little boy, who was so precious. The last time I talked to her she was feeling very depressed and stuff.

I am now pregnant but not far along. Unfortunately we live far away from each other and so I will probably have to tell her the news over the phone (or email, or something). I want her to know from me before she finds out from other friends who are less close.

I am really concerned about delivering this news in a way that won't make her feel any worse than it has to. I am sure she will be happy for me, but I also imagine it will be painful for her to watch me go through a (hopefully) healthy pregnancy and then (hopefully) deliver a healthy baby.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could tell her in the kindest way possible?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Feb. 14, 2011 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I've also had a stillbirth and the news will be hard for her but there isn't anything you can do about it..... It's STILL hard for me sometimes and we had her 3 years ago. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and my own pregnancy is hard. Just tell her nicely and quickly move on, I wouldn't go on and on about it.
    AshJoe05

    Answer by AshJoe05 at 9:52 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I would just tell her. There is no easy way. Just say "I have some news and while it's exciting for me, it's gonna be hard for you but I hope that we can remain close through this and you can find the courage to support me" then say " I'm ___ weeks pregnant and I didnt want you to hear from anyone else."
    huntin_mama

    Answer by huntin_mama at 5:48 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I would wait a few months before I said anything. Not that she will be fine in a few months but if it just happened to her, give her time to grieve without adding more pain. I kept my Pregnancies from everyone except my immediate family until 12-16 weeks anyway. It's a fragile time.

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 7:08 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Yes I would wait until your are past 12 weeks just to be certain the pregnancy will continue and then I would explain it to her over the phone in the most considerate way possible. She may surprise you.
    gapeach7212

    Answer by gapeach7212 at 8:09 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I am with huntin mama. That sound like the absolute best way to do it. Sooner than later. I would suggest saying a prayer for her before you talk to her. I hope and pray for the best for you both. =) HUGS
    michelle6890

    Answer by michelle6890 at 7:00 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Agree with huntin mama and about waiting til after the 1st trimester. Your risk goes down so much after that mark! It is so hard when you want to celebrate but also want to keep the pain of a close friend in mind. GL. Congrats.
    summerbear

    Answer by summerbear at 11:41 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • well truth is she will be upset obviously but if she is your BF she will be happy for you no matter what and that may help her to move on and try again soon...i had a friend who right after i found out i was pregnant she had a mc too...while she was hurt from her loss my happiness helped her and she told me later that it made her want to try again...she told me not to feel bad because i was happy having a baby is happy...she has been very supportive of me and my family and cant wait to see my baby even though her and her husband havent gotten pregnant again she was able to move on from the mc easier knowing that her friend was happy...plus everyone says its bad luck to tell before 12 weeks...i told at 12 cuz thats when i found out
    ahsot1230

    Answer by ahsot1230 at 12:08 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Thank you all!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:04 PM on Feb. 14, 2011