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My 14 year old son...rebellious or more

Good Afternoon all- I am new to this and often don't go to sites like this. I don't know what because just typing what I am going through right now is very therapeutic but I am a married women of 16 years. To give you a little in site I suffer with Bi-polar disorder that has nearly destroyed the relationship between me and my husband. We are trying to work things out. We have always tried to keep what happensbetween us to ourselves.  I dont feel kids should know those things.

So there is a mental history here which is part of my concern my son A ( I will just say A not the whole name) has been really doing badly in school. Grades have dropped. He has become very disrespectful. In that when he is told something he mouths off he was never this way he curses knowing I am in the room and the other day myself and my husband came home and he had pierced his own ear with NO PLAN KILLERS nothing he took a needle and alcohol and just did it no help. He has a very nasty attitude that we are trying to change who he is. This was a smart student. He is now getting low 70 average. I am also concerned because he was diagnosed with OCD so I am really sad, scared and afraid that I have past something down onto my son. I don't know if I back off and just tell him what I think is correct and why? Do I let him make some of his own decisions to compromise? My husband feels that he has this under control as a mom I am worried that my son will be another statistic and it scares me and makes me so depressed. Any idea's? Also I might add I have 4 kids a 15 years male, then the 14 year old that I am speaking of a 12 year old daughter and my little boy is 11. My hands are full I work full time. I am bi-polar and in treatment and really just feel stressed and sad most days that I failed. I was sick for many years did things that I just can't get into here and I Love my husband but my last that and my son. My other children are great thriving and me and my husband are both committed to making this work. I am just worried.

Answer Question
 
ginger33

Asked by ginger33 at 5:36 PM on Feb. 14, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • could be more. I would take him to the doctor just to be sure.
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 5:41 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • How could your husband thinks he has this under control? this extreme type of behavioral change, it needs to be addressed. if you let HIM take control and act this way.. then it will only get extremely worse.. get on his case..I have mental illness so I can understand the guilt and fear you have as I also fear for my son who is only 3.. I don't have too much advice but CafeMom is a great tool.. please don't give up.. hang in there
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:45 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Whoops, take 2: Think back, if you can, to WHEN "A" started acting out. Kids of all ages are phenomenal at finding out what you don't want them to know, and then, if it's bad, turning it inwards and making it THEIR fault. I don't think this is at all under control. I DO think that you should sit down with your older two and explain what's going on and y'all's plan to fix it.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 5:47 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • Okay....you are Bi-Polar and your son is OCD.....first things first, your entire family needs to be in counseling - these are serious mental disorders that some people need help understanding and coping with. Don't worry about having passed something down to your son, we all pass things down to our children, be it a physical trait, a physical disability or even a mental disorder. Worry about getting your son back, get some outside help for the ENTIRE family.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 7:39 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • I also have bipolar disorder and have done somethings that I'm not proud of, it lead to me leaving my husband and children for 8 months over a year ago. My oldest son started with his behavior right before that happened, rude remarks and saying very hurtful things. I let it slide, after I came home it continued and I finally had to sit down with him and work it out. He was simply angry with me for what happened, among some other things. Kids do pick up things and my son knew long before I moved out. I'd suggest trying to remember when this started with "A", it could be he's angry or hurt and he's rebelling. I would also be concerned with Bipolar (I worry about my boys as well), you know the signs - watch for them. If it is Bipolar it could escalate. Talk to him, opening and honestly. Let him know you love him and you're concerned, once I did this with my son things changed dramatically. My other thought is counseling
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:28 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • The ear peircing thing...relax...many kids have done this and usually it's to get attention.
    Peircing one's ear doesn't really require pain killers.
    The moodiness and grades could be normal teen horomones.
    The fact that this came on SUDDENLY is the worrying part...something has made him switch modes.
    It could be for attention but WHY NOW??
    I would talk to him and let him know of your struggles and be of comfort to him without pushing yourself on him.
    I do agree that the whole family should receive some form of counseling together...that way you all learn how to deal with each other.
    NO one person should ever be singled out in a family...that just makes that person feel "badly" about themself.
    Do NOT beat Yourself about this!
    You did nothing wrong, you love your child or you wouldn't be on CM.
    Feel free to Private Message Me if you need support. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety...we can comfort each other!
    Missikat75

    Answer by Missikat75 at 4:03 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • THANKS SO MUCH TO EVERYONE FOR YOUR HELP AND COMMENTS. It really helps you don't know. To blessedwboysx3 I really appreciate you sharing that you are Bi-polar also. I had my kids really young and developed my mental illness when the kids where born after the 4th one all of them where C-section babies I developed depression and it escalated. I am really just praying I am religious and I believe a calm voice and loving manner will be more beneficial than harsh words that's the approach me and my husband are taking with him. We have told him you have choices and there are consequences to the choices you make so think long and hard. This way it doesn't seem like we are trying to make him do something. I also within the last 2 months considered divorce me and my spouse are trying to work this out. I noticed you said you came back home did you find it easier to work things out with your husband home or outside the home?

    ginger33

    Comment by ginger33 (original poster) at 10:15 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

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