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3 Bumps

Please let me know your view, life altering decisions...long, sorry, DETAILED

Okay, I have a 3 kids all to which I consider to be mine. Married. Love my hubby, love all my kids. EX drama is killing me, 5 years in the making. DH has showed me parts of life I never could do for myself or son. Simple things as lobster, mall clothing, bills paid on time, etc. Financially a wonderful DH.
When it comes to the ex, he can state as pleases, I speak, he becomes deensive of her. Don't get it. Court has been quiet for awhile, but get hit in the face any time she gets a hair across her ass. Bm does whatever she can to get skids to hate me, then I have to rebuild and "fight" for their respect again. They speak to me like I am scum.. Then I get told to stop acting like a child, because I am arguing with the child over the way I am spoken too. SHe will spoil them, and then not pay her CS. SO they think life with mom is all about what they can get, and all fun times. (she gets them for all vacations and other holidays. It is just a forever argument about something and it is just not ending...........help. Give me your view. I am about to disengage from all, this is what BM and Bfamily have wanted from the begining. I feel like at the same time I am giving up on my life and my kids.
The last stressor for him, caused him to not speak, sleep in the same bed, emotional or physical closeness for 6 months. At one point would reach for a hug, and he would clearly state..NO. Would actually put 200% attention on kids, just to make sure there was a wall between us. Then all of the sudden in December, takes the block off of his phone, buys me an extravagant Christmas gift. And life is OKAY again. In the meantime, I took getting spoken to like a child, told I couldn't cook, clean, take care of all the kids. Even told one of the kids they where going to sleep elsewhere. How can a "DH" be this way to someone he supposively loves? It felt like I was living with a room mate. Am I crazy

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Feb. 14, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • No one deserves to be treated like that. Maybe you should suggest marriage counseling to help him realize that he isn't emotionally treating you the way he should.
    PhoenixsMommy10

    Answer by PhoenixsMommy10 at 11:15 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • no you're not crazy just someone that needs to be respected in their own home! it doesn't sound like anyone in your home or family gives you any sort of respect at all. i would suggest marriage counseling, or family counseling depending on how old the kids are. hope things start looking up for you soon.
    shoot4thestars

    Answer by shoot4thestars at 11:20 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • counseling is not an answer with him..... even cried to him one night, and said we would talk after the kids went to bed. He fell asleep, after trying to get sex from me, I turned him down.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:22 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • THanks kids are 11 9 and 2
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:27 PM on Feb. 14, 2011

  • That's not right. You are married to him and he should have as much respect to you, as you do of him. Are you sure he isn't being brainwashed? The only reason he got nice on you and got you an expensive gift is because he wanted sex. I don't know how you stand it. When the kids get older, they will treat you like he's treating you now. The kids will have no respect for you at all. If I were you, I would get out and keep the respect between you and your children while you can. Otherwise, you will have a rocky road ahead.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:40 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Leaving a relationship is easier said then done, but you are a mother and you have children. You deserve respect from your children and your husband, and if your husband does not respect you- your children will not respect you either. If he is not willing to make sacrifices and changes to be with you, then so be it....you do not need to give all of yourself to a person and receive nothing but disrespect in return. So really it comes down to one question, "How much do you value your relationship with your children?".
    RiaChristine

    Answer by RiaChristine at 11:35 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I think the ex put things into the kids heads without them realizing it. Say things like "if me and your dad were together ...." therefore the kids build up resentment towards you. Plus they see the relationship you have with your own child and they are somewhat jealous because they don't have that with their mom. The dad feels guilty because he knows how important a mother is to a childs life, and feels he is to blame. Then he tries to make up for their terrible mother. It just goes round and round in a vicous little circle. I hope you all get help as a family. That way everyone knows they are loved and need to show and be respected. I wish you luck. I went through a similar situation. All worked out in the end. It takes lots of time and patience and most of all love.
    Barbs05

    Answer by Barbs05 at 2:25 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

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