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Do past mistakes define a person as a "bad" person?

My husband argues that because of his past mistakes (repeated infidelities and lying) that he is a bad person. I believe and have told him that everyone makes mistakes and mistakes do not define you as a "bad" person. He disagrees. Any ideas on how I might convince him to see that his mistakes do not outweigh all of the wonderful things he has done in his life?

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Asked by strengthhope at 11:49 AM on Jul. 8, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • You live, you learn. As long as he isn't repeating the same mistakes, then he's fine!

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 11:51 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • I agree. If you learn from your mistakes, try to make up for them, and don't repeat them, I don't think you're a bad person. Maybe he needs counseling.

    Answer by Cadreysmom at 11:53 AM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Well his argument is that he had more than one infidelity - so he didn't learn from them. Yes, he is in therapy (individually & marital).

    Answer by strengthhope at 12:09 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • When I think of someone as being a bad person they would have had to have killed someone or raped or even molested someone but everyone has their own opinion on what defines someone as being a bad person, your husband sounds as though he has alot of quilt about the things he's done in his past and the only way for him to change his thoughts about being a bad person is through therapy someday your husband will see that he's not a bad person and that he just made poor choices in his past and if he goes onto live his life as a faithful, honest person the world will soon see him as that not for the mistakes he made in his past. all you can do is be supportive of him but dont push him to see what you see in him he must see it himself before he will be willing to see it as others do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • No, it makes him a man who used poor judgment and made bad decisions used bad behavior. None of which constitutes a bad person. This is why we are told to tell our children "that was a bad thing to do" and not "you are bad for doing that". The child/person isn't bad. The behavior is bad. Tell him to lighten up on himself. It's in the past anyway so what good is feeling bad about himself over something that was in the past. Tell him live life in the NOW. Life is good. enjoy it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:29 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Bad behaviors don't make a person bad. If your child draws on the wall is HE bad or is the behavior bad? A bad person to me is someone who intentionally does harm to someone or something w/o remorse

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:48 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • LOL..I just read admckenzie's answer. I totally agree

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:49 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Maybe he WAS a bad person, but I believe that some people can change.

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 4:17 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • I have always tried to live by the saying "Hate the Sin, love the sinner." We have all made mistakes and I truly believe that that is what makes people who they are today.

    Answer by motheroftwo1203 at 10:28 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

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