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3 Bumps

He is all about money. UGHHH.

My husband and I make a total combined salary of 10,000 a month(and to add to this, he also has a commision). We are by no means poor. I work as a part time nanny ( a job I had to get bc he wouldnt really ever spend money on me) However, all my husband cares about is saving saving saving. I am in DESPERATE need of new jeans. I have gained a few pounds, so my clothes dont fit anymore. I have had the same clothes for over 3 yrs now. I NEVER ask for anything. My feet are sooo gross I want a pedi. Even just some things to do my feet myself. But no, he says the little things add up. TRUE. BUT, we are NOT poor!!!

I am very sick right now, and I needed medicine extremely bad! I told him this a dozen times! Do you think he bought me any?? No. I had to ask him for money this morning. So I was putting the clothes in the laundry basket, when I picked up his jeans he had about 500 bucks in the pocket. I ask for a twenty, and he asks "why do you need a 20, I didnt know medicine was that expensive?" I say "i need it for medicine, and possibly some food if we get hungry" He says "fine here" I even came home, and gave him the change back.

Im so tired of not being able to buy myself anything. NOTHING. I went to the post office and used 10 bucks, and he flipped out. I dont know what to do anymore. He is so darn cheap! He never goes out of his way for me. He never buys me anything!! I told him I need a haircut, and clothes, he just ignores me. If I want to buy a three dollar shirt, thats even a problem..

I have the money to buy lavish items, and yet, I dont even buy myself a pack of undies.

I dont know what to do anymore....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Feb. 15, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Could you keep some of your own money back?

    Answer by leah_rai at 9:24 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • You work. You get a paycheck. Take the money and get what you need. Why would you even ask him for the money? It's your money as well as his. I wouldn't have asked when I found that money in the pocket. I would have bought what I needed and gave him the receipt if he needed it for his records.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:26 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • If it were me I would sit hubby down and explain that I need to be able to buy things when I want them-- and not have to ask him and have him approve everything first. I would also open up my own bank account and put my paycheck in there and give him some $ toward the household and keep the rest to use on things that I need--- like medicine or a new pair of jeans. If he does not like it-- too bad! Then maybe he should pry open his wallet and give you an allowance or spending money on a regular basis.

    Answer by MizLee at 9:27 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • If you work too--then he has NO say so about the "entire" money..true, he is super obsessed with being careful about spending, but sheesh..that is a bit too much. He should have control over you anyhow, although it is somewhat expected IF he is the "only breadwinner"..but you said you work too--so part of that money is yours anyways...I would just tell him that if he expects you to have no control over any of the money--then you might as well quit your job and live lavishly at home. ;) OR apply for a credit card behind his back to get him to shut up. Sorry you are going through this :(

    Answer by psychicRaelene3 at 9:28 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • oops...didn't mean to say * he "should" have control over you--I meant "shouldn't"...sorry ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Answer by psychicRaelene3 at 9:29 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • hmm, we make about $2,000 in a good month. lol. i know how this sounds, but give him a taste of his own medicine. he wants to controll all of the money, including yours. thats not how it works. your next paycheck, go take care of yourself, im sure you take care of your husband, give yourself a day. im not saying go buy the most expensive things, but get yourself a few pairs of nice, good jeans, get a pedi, hell get a mani, AND a hair cut. tell him your married its not i, its we. you dont work for free, you shouldnt be treated like it.

    Answer by jimmysmom29 at 9:35 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • and to add to my stress, he wont even get me medical insurance! Nor will he pay for my children (his step) school. They are 3 & 4, yet he will get ANYTHING his daughter asks for. Its like bc we are the second family, we dont count as much.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:39 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Take your next paycheck and blow it all! You both should have equal say in how the money (all of it, not just his or yours) is spent and saved. Sounds very controlling of him and you need to put a stop to it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Why do you have to ASK him for money? It's your money too and you should be able to spend it on what you see fit.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Are you sure you should be in this relationship? All money coming into a marriage is joint and should be used for the betterment of everyone. You should have a certain amount every week that is your money to do as you please. Not to blow on ridiculous things but for manicures, odds and ends, etc. Clothes for everyone should come out of a family account.

    Is he saving money in a joint account or 401K? You need to check on this and look at the statements. Talk to him about a marriage being a partnership. Personally, I would get a good lawyer and file for divorce and make sure I got 1/2 the assets. If you ever consider doing this you need to know exactly all accounts in his name and those that are joint. You deserve so much better.

    Answer by elizabr at 10:04 AM on Feb. 15, 2011

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