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refusing to go to schol

What do you do when your child , 9, refuses to get in the car to go to schol and complains that he is ill evey morning.

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Asked by gloria775414 at 2:00 AM on Nov. 18, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (15)
  • find out whats going on at school ,the reason behind him not wanting to go ,Go in and have a word with his teacher and see if they can shed any light ,maybe he is being bullied .

    Answer by loulou332 at 2:04 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • If it were my child I would suspect something going on either on the bus or at school, To me that is a warning sign that something is not right. Have you tried talking to your son about why he is acting this way?

    If it were me I would take him somewhere he likes to go and start off by talking about anything BUT school and then slowly start talking about school. He could be having problems with his teacher,a schoolyard bully, and maybe something as simple as something embarrassing happening to him where he thinks everyone will make fun of him. Then if that proves to not work...Go to the school and talk with his teacher...Then go from there. You may want to pop in unanounced at school to observe and see what is going on. You can do that and you have every right to do that...Good Luck!

    Answer by nyteowl at 2:07 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Ide suspect he is being bullied at school bu kids or possibly the teacher, or he did something really embarassing and just dosnt want to be made fun of by the kids. Get a metting set up with the teacher's and principal to address his problem. He mad need counseling if it's not bully related to figure out why he is acting like this.

    Answer by vbruno at 2:17 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • My son is 12, and HATES school, always has. There were bullies but we got with the school & kicked that... now, even my son isn't sure why he hates school. He's about to be out of the gifted program as he is failing or getting D's. He has a therapist; she's puzzled, too. He constantly complains about the behavior of the kids. I want to try internet school, but my husband won't- due to my health- I have chronic illnesses,& have had to be hospitalized a lot or for long periods. My son had to have an endoscopy & be on meds last year because the stress was giving him ulcers. At 11! At our last visit to his pediatrician, she said anti-anxiety meds! Everyone says he'll miss so much if he doesn't go to regular school, but I am not going to drug him just for the "socialization". My only suggestion is to find out why he hates school and see if you can fix it. If not, home schooling isn't a horrible thing.

    Answer by Lorac625 at 4:10 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Something is going on. That is a pretty desparate thing to do every single morning. Talk to him. Calmly and respectfully. Take him to dinner. You may get a shrug and no answers. So talk to his teachers, the principal, the school social worker, and school counselor. Many children who have anxiety and derpression do feel sick at the thought of going to school and facing whatever the issue is. Your son's school should help be a team in working with you and your child. If he were my son I would take him to the doctor for a physical and explain ahead of time what is going on before the visit. Then, if you and son are comfortable with the doctor, leave the room for the doctor to ask some questions.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:33 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • cont..The doctor can doesn't (and shouldn't) ask directly about school at first. Asking if he feels sad, or nervous, or upset. Then probe a little more. Your son may just confide in the doctor. You could also ask for a referal to a therapist. What you are describing sounds a lot like severe anxiety. My guess, and I have worked professionally with hundreds of kids in schools as a therapist, is either bullying, feeling lost with the actual academic work, both, or being bullied by the teacher - or ALL of the above. There could be so many things. He could also have some separation anxiety about being away from you (any recent changes? new baby, divorce, arguing, sick relative, ect..?).

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:37 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • cont..It could be that he really doesn't even know why. Or it could be VERY serious as in physical abuse from some child or teacher. So you may find he is not being picked on, his grades are fine, and no changes in your home. So then what? I think a therapist is a good start. My bet is he will only need a few sessions. But if this came on all of a sudden, and he never had problems before, then there is SOMETHING. Think back to when this first started. When was it? What was going on at home? At school? Try to remain very calm with him, even when you don't feel so calm and relaxed. Let him know he can talk to you or his dad. If you approach him from being concerned to as opposed to being angry he may feel more secure about it.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:42 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • I'd homeschool. My 10 year old hated school from day one. He hasn't been since Kind and is much happier! He never leanred much in school anyway. I'd re-teach him when he came home. This works out so much better,

    Answer by Pauline3283 at 11:27 AM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • i'd talk to my child AFTER school! try to see if there is something that is goin on there.
    my 9 yr old does this too, but i send him everyday anyway! my son usually does this when he doesn't get enough sleep.

    Answer by dannersmell at 3:38 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Deffinitely talk to the teacher, if you find that the only reason is that he just doesn't like school then tell him that it's against the law if he doesn't go and that his parents could get arrested if he doesn't go, this works with my son.

    Answer by staceynoel at 6:58 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

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