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How can I be happy with my daughter's pregnancy when her boyfriend is a jerk?

I just found out my 25 year old daughter is pregnant. The father is her on and off boyfriend who she has caught cheating on several occasions. I thought the most recent time was the last until she found out she was pregnant. Now she moved back in with him and thinks things will change. I should be happy but I just can't be. Please help me deal with this in a different light.

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Asked by muthaof367 at 6:19 PM on Feb. 15, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I don't think you are required to be happy about it. I know I would not be happy about it. I suppose that you do have to accept that this is the choice she has made, but I don't think you need feel guilty that you are not happy about it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:21 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • It's been my experience that by the time the baby is a few months old he'll be gone again. Then you can be happy. Jerks seldom stick around when they have to be responsible. Just hope she doesn't marry him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Consider that this will be your grandchild, and a part of you and a part of your daughter will bless this child. I've been through the same thing with my daughter, only she was 15 and has lived with him 3 times now. You can't change her mind, but you can change yours. Look on the positive side and look forward to times you can share with your grandchild that you will own in the future. No one else can share the things and the dreams that you can. Your daughter will wise up in her own time.

    Answer by Peglet0333 at 6:24 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I can't side with you..but I cant understand you Daughter.

    My mother absolutely HATES my sons father. I know that..I know her concerns cause I was there..during the fighting,the yelling, the days he didn't talk to me, his crazy ex wife..alot of crap that I still remember..But as her mother you have to respect the choices she makes. If she belives hes going to change and man up and be a father to thier child then you will have to live with that. It's not ur decision and you should be happy!!! Your gonna be a grandmother..No Matter who the hell the child's father is!

    Sometimes a child can change an immature man. I have seen it with my own eyes so I do NOT believe that once an a$$hole always an a$$hole. If they are willing to change and grow up and be a dad then it will be a good situation. Hopefully you're daughter knows the chances and what shes getting into..She's obviously tryin to do what is best for both of them

    Answer by SweetPoison at 6:32 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Don't think about Who the babies dad is..Think about how much joy and happiness you will have lovin on that new baby! Good luck..and if things fall apart just support her..don't make comments like "I told you" and so will just make her feel guilty and hate herself and regret things.

    Answer by SweetPoison at 6:33 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • focus on your grandchild. Your daughter is an adult and will lead her life... choose her mate...etc.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 6:47 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Be happy for her and be there to catch her when she falls (or when he pushes her out again) GL

    Answer by aheuszel at 6:49 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Remember it is about the baby not the stupid boyfriend. Just keep in mind that relationship probably will not work out.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:49 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Be happy for your daughter, be happy for the grand child to be. The boyfriend is just a burr under the saddle that will eventually be removed.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:14 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Privately you feel how you feel and that is completely understandable, no mother wants to see her daughter with a man who does not treat her well, whether she is pregnant or not. But publically you need to focus your support on your daughter because she is likely going to need it. I think you should keep quiet about your feelings toward her boyfriend, she has to discover for herself if he is no good and if she leaves it has to be her decision. When things go wrong ask questions to lead her to answers about how wrong he is, but don't state how you feel because what matters is how she feels. You should also focus on boosting her self esteem, because the better she feels about herself the less likely she is to take his crap. Maybe the responsibilities of motherhood will help her sort out her priorities, as well as knowing she has a mother to back her up if she needs help or ends up a single mother. Good luck!

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

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