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2 Bumps

How to do this tactfully and with compassion?

Mid November we moved into an apartment, and we're actually quite blessed to have some fabulous neighbors. There is something that is beginning to bug me. One of the neighbor girls that is in my son's class at school and church keeps trying to daily invite herself over for dinner. I don't mind now and then, and I sure as heck don't mind babysitting, but this child is starting to drive me nuts. This wouldn't be an issue but they just came back from a road trip where they attended a funeral for an adult family member. I want to be compassionate about the loss, but also want to make clear that I'm a little annoyed about the girl always trying to invite herself over for dinner.

Tact is NOT one of my strong suits.


Asked by Rosehawk at 7:00 PM on Feb. 15, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • It sounds to me like a child starving not only for food but for affection, I had a little girl who was 3, that did this on a regular basis, first thing in the morning when she woke before even having breakfast she knocked at my door, I gladly let her in, and she shared what we were eating. I think this little  girl is in her own way complementing the life you all share and wants some of it for her, it was a compliment to me when my neighbor preferred to be with us than with her own family, maybe if you look at it this way, it would not bother you so much.  I am sure it won't be for much longer, they grow up so fast...but in the mean time why not give a bit of what she is looking for, what harm can it do?

    Just recently the little neighbor turned woman came to visit me and we laughed over a cup of coffee, remembering the old days.....


    Answer by older at 7:13 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I would say to her sweetley how come you dont want to eat dinner at your house. I would suggest talking to the parents first but I find it weird that her parents would let her come over around dinner time everyday. See what the little girl says then talk to her parents tell them you dont mind her coming to play but during these days or hours.

    Answer by okmommy08 at 7:05 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I don't like the way that sounds . . . I would be a little worried that there may be some abuse or neglect going on. Talk with the girl. You can also express your concern to her teacher at school who can assess also.
    Normally, when your child has had so many dinners over a neighbors house, you would make it a point to check in with the neighbor parents. the fact that this is not happening is worrisome.
    It could also, very well, be that the family does not have anough food . . . so they encourage the girl to eat with neighbors so she will have something to eat.
    Don't ignore it.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:07 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • just accept her but do tell her that it cannot be on a daily basis unless necessary for you have your own family to deal with. tell her you don't mind her company and such but also ask her why she wants to be at your house all the time--is there something going on at home that she just isn't telling you and that is why she wants to be at your house all the time? Just sit down and talk with her and see what is going on you might be surprised as to how much children will open up if you just give them the time

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 9:23 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Could you have a word with her parents ?

    Answer by janet116 at 7:01 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Ask the child why she wants to come to dinner all the time. Is she home alone? Do they not have food? Is she lonely? Talk to her parents about what is going on.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:02 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • That's what I'd like to do, just not sure about how to go about it without sounding like I'm whining. The whole time and place thing.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 7:02 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I would politely discuss this with her parents.
    And I'm almost wondering if she's getting enough food at home...I've seen a case of this where a child didn't get fed properly at home so he'd invite himself to neighbors houses!
    I'd let them know that you don't mind once in awhile having her over but most nights you prefer it just be your family...unless you let her know otherwise.
    Good Luck!

    Answer by Missikat75 at 7:05 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • hmmmmm would part of it be the fact that they get out of school at 3:35, are home by 4:00 and we eat dinner between 5 and 6 pm? I know they eat a lot later than us.........

    Guess I'm trying to find a WHY as well as a HOW in regards to talking to the parent(s), which I do plan to do.

    Comment by Rosehawk (original poster) at 7:09 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • If you want to go over and talk to the parents. Just tell them out right . their DD is always asking to eat dinner with us. And you want them to get her to stop asking. I would put in . That is makes them look like they are not feeding their child.
    Or do what I would do. I would tell the girl NO. And do not ask again.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:26 PM on Feb. 15, 2011