Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Drives me crazy !!!

I see and hear about this alot, but now that it is happening to me, it is just driving me crazy...

I understand there is alot of step moms who play an active role in thier step childrens lives and therefore their input is accepted.... but that is now the case with me.

My ex husband and I have been divorced for going on 3 years --- We have a 5 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. He recently got married to a woman who he has known for less than a year. I have primary custody of our kids, he sees them twice a month ( every other saturday) usually for about 4 or 5 hours.

He and I have never really had a problem, we ended on good terms and have been pretty friendly since the divorce and he has never had a problem on how I am raising our children.

His new wife however ( who doesnt have her own kids) insists that she needs to tell me how I am doing everything wrong... tries to give me "advice" on everything .... tries to tell me when the kids should go to bed, what they should eat .....

I have tried to grit my teeth, but I cant take it anymore... my ex just stays quite and apoligizes to me later ( without her around) ....

where in the hell does a woman who SOMETIMES has a few hour visit , twice a month with MY kids, get off telling me how how to raise them....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 PM on Feb. 15, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (17)
  • First off, telling ANYONE how to raise THEIR children is dangerous territory to start with.  A step parent?  Ehhh, I'd be pissed off too and I'd tell her to shove her advice up her ass.  Those are NOT her children, they are yours.  And I'm sorry but I wouldn't really be listening to someone who doesn't have kids to start with so that would be a double whammy. 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:16 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Tell HER to mind her own business. You are the parent and she needs to stay out of it. You may just have to be blunt and to the point to get it across to her.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:18 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • ~*Giggles*~... I know this is no laughing matter, but you have a good 11 years left, creating waves now isn't going to make things any smoother! Just smile and ask her how many children she has successfully raised? Or be polite, stating you don't want to hurt her feelings... but her giving advice is like asking thse on Welfare how to become rich! Hahahaha

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:22 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Ok, i have 3 children with my husband and he has 3 other children of his own. None of his 3 other children live with us. 1 we do not have contact with but i will not get into that side of the convo... I have NEVER and will NEVER tell my step childrens mothers how to raise their children. When they Are in my care, however, they will go by my rules, and im simply referring to the basics. I've been around my oldest step son the most, and when he get's to the point where actual disciplining needs to come into play, i only go as far as time out. I leave the rest up to my husband. and when i have an issue, i do not go to the mother about it, i talk with my husband about it and he deals with it. That's how it should be and i think you need to tell your ex-husband to tell his wife to shut her mouth or she doesn't need to be around them. As a step mom, i clearly think she is Way over stepping her boundaries

    Answer by tnteaton at 10:50 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I would try, "even though I have been raising my children for years, I love getting your imput since your imaginary children are so well behaved." If that doesn't work I would tell her to butt out, if she wants children, she needs to go have her own.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:03 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I would tell to keep her mouth shut!

    Answer by pswiley at 11:47 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • She is probably just jelous of you. You have chilren with her husband and you will always be around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Your ex-husband's wife needs to get over herself. She doesn't know how to raise kids, she doesn't even have any! I think I would have to tell her that until she has kids of her own, she needs to keep her mouth shut. You are their mother, and nobody can take your place. However, she should learn how to be civil. It wouldn't be right for her to say something in front of your kids about you. She is still somewhat involved in your kids life since she married your kids dad. She's just not going about it the right way. There is a better way to handle this.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:04 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Yeah, it sounds like she's insecure. And probably jealous and most likely trying way too hard. HOW ANNOYING!!!!! I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue any more!! I'd say something like "Oh, did you google that or get a book about parenting recently?....thats cute"

    Answer by mamastyles at 1:15 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • You need to tell her that no one is better qualified than you are to make decisions concerning your children's welfare, especially someone who has no parenting experience.


    Answer by beeky at 7:31 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.