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What happens when the teacher is "concerned"?

My soon-to-be 8 year old daughter is amazing, I have never had any problems with her what-so-ever. Every conference at school is short and sweet, "She's such a sweetie and a pleasure to have in class" is what I hear every time. Anyways, now suddenly dd's teacher is "concerned". She e-mailed me, demanding a conference with both me and my ex-husband. I told her that we could not go together (he's a registered sex offender for dating a 16 year old when he was 18 many years ago and isn't allowed in a school) and she said that we MUST meet with her at our local McDonalds tomorrow at 3.

Now when I was growing up my mother told me that every adult in school is CPS happy and immediately that's what popped into my head. What the heck could be going on and why won't she just tell me?!? My daughter is acting perfectly normal at home...I mean I noticed that she has a hard time in subtraction, but when I brought that up the teacher said that this has nothing to do with school. AHHHHHHHH!!!!! Anyways, it's obvious that I'm freaking out here, has anyone else ever had to deal with this? Do you think she could be trying to get my daughter taken away from me? Help!!

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Asked by -xoxo- at 11:12 PM on Feb. 15, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 9 (226 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Don't freak out, listen to what she has to say. It's odd that she isn't forthcoming with what her "concerns" are, but don't be scared; you know your daughter better than anyone. It takes a LOT to have a child taken from the home - she could have called CPS without speaking with you first, I think it's good that she wants to speak with you.

    Answer by Scuba at 11:16 PM on Feb. 15, 2011


    Answer by sabrinaford0911 at 11:17 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Most authorities that are intending to notify CPS or DCFS do not give 'warning' If they believe there is abuse or neglect occuring they just call.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:21 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • I know that I need to stop driving myself crazy, but it's really hard!! I can't stop wondering what the heck my daughter has said or done at school to make her teacher this concerned. I'm not saying that in a mean way btw, she just usually comes to me with everything.


    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 11:24 PM on Feb. 15, 2011

  • Never assume the worst, it can drive you crazy. If she had called CPS, they would come to your first, rather than the teacher, I don't think that's the problem. Stay calm and just WAIT to see what she has to say, remind yourself to be cool headed in a public place, just in case. You may be worrying over nothing. I hope things work out.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:47 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I agree with the others, if it was a problem that she was wanting to report you (or if it was something that she was required to report), then she would have done so. It could be anything, and it might not be bad, at least as far as your child goes, or any other number of things.

    Just try to stay calm, try to keep an open mind to whatever she wants to talk about (I'm not saying you have to agree, just be open to talk about whatever it is), and see what she has to say. I know it's hard, but try not to get too stressed, but if you're more comfortable, you could maybe call the teacher and explain that you are really worried and concerned about whatever it is she has to talk to you about, and could she let you know what it was in regards to, or move the meeting up sooner?

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:46 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • If she had a reason to call CPS, she would just do it and you wouldn't know what hit you when CPS showed up at your door. Something is going on that she wants you guys to be aware of, but don't assume the absolute worst. My daughter is the same age as yours and like yours does well at school, is sweet and well behaved. One day her teacher 'needed to talk to me privately'. Inside I was freaking out, but when she started telling me what was going on I almost laughed. My daughter had an 'admirer (I was NOT aware of any of this). A little boy in her class apparently wanted to be her boyfriend and was chasing her around on the playground trying to kiss her. She told the teacher that she wants him to leave her alone. She never told ME that this boy was doing this though. So this was the first time I was hearing this. The teacher wanted to know if I wanted her to report the child to the guidance counselor. I told her no.

    Answer by slw123 at 8:53 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I was wondering how the meeting went. An update would be great.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:15 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I had the conference and thank goodness all she said was that she has noticed that my daughter seems down lately. I explained how her aunt just had a baby and how lately my dd has been feeling like everyone loves the new baby. It was all really simple and went well, I wish she could have just told me that over the phone.


    Comment by -xoxo- (original poster) at 5:46 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I'm glad it went well. This teacher is observant and unlike many took the time to meet with your personally about her observation. Depression in middle school age is becoming a huge problem. Last year they were the fastest growing age for suicide and suicide attempt. Maybe a special Mother Daughter day is due so she can feel really special.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:53 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

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