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If I give my baby up for adoption?

Is she going to find out that I have other kids that I didn't give up for adoption? I don't want her to be mad at me. I want things to be good for her.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (32)
  • write a letter to her to be opened on her 18th birthday explaining why you did what you did...I have a friend who had her 3rd kid by age 18 and gave her up and then went on to have 2 more...that child she gave up is 21 and does understand now the reasons behind her adoption and holds no anger and has has a good life

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I agree with anonymous above me lol. Just be open with her. Let her know you love her. Send her little gifts on her birthdays. When shes old enough, give her the letter but also talk to her in person. Take her out somehwere, tell her your reasons and you loved her and wanted to keep her but you only wanted the best life possible for her, and you hope she got that life. In the beginning it will be difficult to see her with other people as her parents because she wont recognize you or know who you are...or know the situation...but you will know what you did was best for both of you and someday she will too.

    Answer by kay526 at 1:02 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • She might feel a little resentment towards the other children..but thats only natural. dont lie to her about having other kids (when you do) to spare her feelings. but if you are honest and loving toward her she will probably end up having a good relationship with you and your future kids

    Answer by kay526 at 1:04 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Adoption is hard. My mother did it when she was only 18 and regrets it dearly to this day. I look at my daughter and I cannot imagine life without her, even if I am young. Think about your decision before you do it. I am no discouraging you so please do not take my comment that way. I just think that if I was put up for adoption and a few years later the same woman who gave birth to me now has kids happily I would be a little upset almost as if maybe I wasnt good enough. A child is innocent. I would be afraid of placing her with a family because you never know who is out there. But I wish you the best, and I hope your child will forgive you and you should really do what you think is right and what is best for her and you, but sometimes all it takes is seeing your child to realize that they belong with you (:

    Answer by jessxcowgirl at 1:05 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • My son has bio-siblings. He is to young to understand however his older biobrother is acting out due to his mother's choice of relinquishing his baby brother. We have a very open adoption. The older sibling has been traumatized. I am an adoptive mom. I cherish my son but I hate parents feel they have to relinquish their children. Please try and parent!! Siblings are very special to one another!!

    Prayers and Hugs


    Answer by BigMomm4 at 3:15 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • ps: I am now a single mother to boot (no regrets) just saying the life of your child will be different but may not be better!

    Answer by BigMomm4 at 3:19 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I am #4 of 6 children born to my mother, and the only one surrendered to adoption. There's no getting around it- yes, it hurts to see pics of my sibs and family all together thru the years smiling, at 4th of july picnics, and gathered around the table at thanksgiving.... at all the holiday gatherings and daily events that I missed....its very bittersweet. I want to know what their life (without me) was like. But it stings. I SHOULD have been there.
    All said and done, I do have a better relationship with my brothers and sisters than I do with my Mother. (reunited 10yrs) We were all very innocent of the actions that lead to my adoption. We do not carry the burden of guilt, and shame, fear towards one another like my Mother has.
    If theres anyway possible for you to keep and raise your family together, please rise up and do it! Adoption adds many complex emotions to everyone in the family touched by the seperation.

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:38 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • You might want to check out the Adoption group. It is comprised of birth mothers, adoptees, and adoptive parents. It is a great way to learn about adoption.

    Hugs and prayers.

    Answer by ARgal at 8:28 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • As a mom who has adopted, I wish for my daughters badly, that she had some sort of letter or even photos of her birth mom. I know she loved her so much. I am so grateful for bio-mom, and speak openly with dd about her. She's only 5, however, I want her to know she never ceased loving her, and made a courageous Life choice with adoption. Of course, you never know how a person will feel, you just have to know in your heart you are making the best decision for THIS child, you, and your other children. hth

    Answer by liteofmine71 at 10:27 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Let me offer a different perspective from an adoptee who's now in her late 40s?

    More than likely, my birth mother had other kids she kept. **shrug** No big deal. I'm not only not mad.. I honestly don't care! I'm not going looking for them. Never went looking for her. Not because I dislike what she did... but because I think she did PRECISELY THE RIGHT THING. I respect that. I think when an adoptee is raised with full understanding of what adoption is and an understanding that biology is unimportant, they respect the actions of their birth mother.

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:58 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

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