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Hubby and I were on verge of divorce but managed to work things out but...

He still isn't sleeping in bed with me. We have had relations other than in bed but I can't understand why he won't sleep in bed wit me yet. It's been since December. I feel like if I keep asking him he will wait longer. Should I just let it go for now?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Maybe he's questioning things still. Everything takes time and trust has to be put back into the marriage. Granted, if he cheated and it was easier for you to forgive him...depending on how long he's been feeling neglected or badly treated...he may have issues moving passed the past. Make sure he's aware of the communication barrier. If you WANT him in bed with you...bluntly tell him that it might help YOU work through things too. Sometimes wires get crossed or it's like dipping your toes in the water before diving all in. As irritating as it is or could're working through things and that's a positive move. Baby steps into a direction you both want to go. Time...waiting sucks, but it heals all wounds or some fortune cookie-ness like that. I swear, it almost sounds like what hubby and I were dealing with when I read this. 5 Love Languages...good book to help with this. You should check it out. G'luck!

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 9:26 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Maybe you can talk to him about it calmly and ask him if there is a reason why he is not comfortable sleeping in the same bed as you are? Maybe he thinks you arent ready for him to move into the bed? Sometimes miscommunication happens after all.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:18 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • it all takes time, i hope you get through this difficult time,,, if you cheated, then i can see why he needs this time, it all depends on why?? good luck!

    Answer by gardenchic at 9:17 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Sounds like there could still be some issues needing attention.

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 9:29 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I treated him bad and then he cheated. I forgave him.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:19 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Thanks a lot imortimommy! I feel better. And I do have the book! ;)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:29 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Ok last poster you are judging and you can't say a word until you are in the situation. Remember the words you said for better or worse? Marriage is not perfect and you don't know what your husband would do. You don't own him. Millions of people go through cheating. I still love him so who would lose here? Me because if I divorce him he will be with someone else while I sit here missing him. Pride cannot take over your judgement. Everyone deserves a second chance in life. We're all human here.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:39 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I wonder if maybe he does not feel some guilt. It maybe due to the situation or a culmination of things. I guess that sitting and talking and figuring it out and making sure you are both on the same page is a good way to start. Lack of communication could get you right back to where you were so why not just discuss it?

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 10:11 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I'm sorry but I somewhat agree with Chgomom. Just because you treated him "badly" doesn't mean he should have went out and cheated. Like you said "For better or for Worse" so BOTH of you were wrong but two wrongs don't make a right. If the marriage life wasn't good then certin steps should have been taken like seperation..then I wouldn't considered it cheating.

    Anyways I would talk to him more. Commuincate -that is the key to EVERYTHING in a marriage. Does he know you want him in there, if not tell him. If hes got other issues talk about it. I'm so happy to hear you have forgiven him and ya'll have been able to move on. Commuincation is the best. & Time......


    Answer by rebel07 at 11:09 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I agree with OP that no one really knows what their husband will do.
    trust me, I've had a lot of guy pals that cheated and their wives/girlfriends thought they were the saints of the earth.

    not that I think you should blame yourself, but I am someone that doesn't think that most affairs come out of no where. Marriage is a two way street, and sometimes in a bad situation someone screws up.

    if it means anything, My husband and I haven't slept in the same bed pretty much the whole time we were married. In my case it's sleep disorders but we have a very active sex life.

    I think that sleeping apart can be romantic, the way that the hubby can come and visit you, you have sex in other places other than the bedroom.

    I'd just give it some time.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 12:28 PM on Feb. 16, 2011