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Will a judge give him visitation or custody?

My ex is trying to get shared legal custody, (I currently have sole legal & physical) he is also asking for more visitation. He doesn't have a job or a car. He recently moved 1,500 miles away without even contacting our daughter or the child support office with his new address. He hasn't paid child support or contacted our child since October 12. He didn't send Xmas gifts or even a card. I have no clue where he lives or the conditions of his home.. Will a judge allow him visitation? I was hoping to get the judge to allow it only if he came to our state to see her, at least until he can get on his feet & get a stable income/car/home. She's 8 years old & he's been in & out of jail her entire life (felony burglary, domestic violence & contempt charges), never been involved in her schooling or anything. (Just an FYI, I had her when I was 16 & raised her with no help from him, he was 21 at the time of her birth & is almost 30 years old now, nothing to show for it, & $17K behind in support.) I'm just a bit nervous about the upcoming court date, any advice would be much appreciated.


Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Feb. 16, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Well first off the judge wont care about the child support when they look at child custody situations. Since he has not had an ongoing relationship with her then the judge could possible order some sort of supervised visits or visits to take place in your town. What you can do (and I used this very successfully knowing my ex wouldnt follow through) is tell the judge you have no problem with visits and would however like to know there is an established relationship. Ask them to allow supervised visits or day visits (8 hours lets say) in your town. Ask they do that once a week for 8 weeks, then increase the visits to over nights in the same town from weeks 8-16, and then go from there. If your ex is as flaky as he sounds he wont show. Also ask for manditory drug tests before all visits. if he is dirty, he doesnt get to visit.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:43 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Don't worry any judge in his right mind will not allow anything with this dad, maybe visitation within limits.

    Answer by older at 10:40 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I totally agree with gemgem. They are very unlikely to give him custody. They are very likely to award some kind of visitation. Do not fight that because it looks very bad. Request parameters to the visitation to keep your daughter safe, including visitation in your home state/home town at a safe location until a relationship has been established between them. There is that old saying to give him enough rope to hang himself with.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 10:59 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • thank you for answering, i have no problem with visitation at all.. but only if its a healthy situation for my DD.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:43 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • When a child is that old a judge will let the child speak for him/her self as to if she wants to see him at all!!! It is the childs call!! As for him not paying any support,I would drag him into court!! Either that or write the bum off!! There is no way a judge will give him custody with no job,on top of that he left the state!! No visitation without paying child support either!!

    Answer by dancer at 10:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I would think, with all that history of being irresponsible, that it probably won't happen. I agree with gemgem- ask for drug testing and ask about the established relationship thing.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:48 AM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • No worries. No judge in their right mind will grant custody to a man who can't even take care of himself.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:03 AM on Feb. 16, 2011