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How would you deal with a 22 year old unable to work?

I have a 22 yr old. she was on disability for 2-18, We have finally gotten a lawyer to fight for it. (though I doubt with the cut backs from government she will get it) we are going to try.

Problem: I gave up the family room right inside the front door... no wall as is larger great room with kit. She is not great at picking up after herself... she complains that I pick on her.. and not her brothers...that DO keep things neat and get frustrated at her for not.

Well today I blew up told her to finish all her laundry (at least 6 loads.) and have it put away before bed or she would lose her laptop for 2 days.. as of right now the machines are idle... HELP need ideas.. shewhines if i remind her.

Answer Question

Asked by raeann1968 at 1:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (62 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • What kind of disability does she has? That would generate better responses to know what you are dealing with. You dont have to be specific.. It can be mental or physical and that would help people better understand your 'situation'

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 1:37 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • She is 22 and youre treating her like a 16 yo. So, shes acting like one. Treat her like an adult that she is

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Help her organize it so it's not so overwhelming. Sometimes people who are disabled are overwhelmed and just stop. I wouldn't punish her. I'd encourage her and show her how to not let it get so backed up and out of control. Help her get a jump start on it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Is that a managable goal for her? What I mean is that is a long period of she capable of time management? If no, go tell her I'm setting the timer for 5 minutes. If a load of clothes isn't started by the time it goes of you will lose...XYZ. Depending on her disabilities have you ever considered looking for a disabled 'workshop" Our best friends have a son who sustained sever brain damage due to a febrile seizure when he was 5. He is now 38 and functions at a 7-9 yr old level. He goes to worshop 5 days a week. He makes a small wage..but he feels productive and important. He has made friends there as well who understand him. Something to think about.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:41 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Stick to your guns about the laptop, but refuse to give it back until she does her laundry. Give her a list of things that she needs to do each day BEFORE she gets on the computer. If she refuses, keep the laptop until she complies. Did you give up the family room for/to her? Take it back. Give her a small bedroom. This is your house and you want order and cleanliness. If she can't abide by your rules, then her choices and priveleges will be limited.

    Answer by Kimimale at 1:44 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • She is being treated a bit like a teenager, however she is living in your house. Does she use your internet? I would put a password on the internet and only take the password off when laundry is done. She does need to have responsibility around the house. What is she disabled for? Does she need help with laundry, or is she able to do that?

    Answer by MKSers at 1:55 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • She was a 23 weker at birth. She has a genetic disorder NF (neurofibronatosis.) She is learning disabled. If it interests HER she is good. SHe is great at helping other people do things. Time has not clue... keeping money no clue.. She only focusing on what she wants.. If she cooks, ill ask her to clean as she is OR to do it as soon as she is done...

    Example:Today I told her I wanted all her laundry done.. abt 5 loads.. i have been asking her for a week.... I have had to remind her all day.. "I dont hear the machines" "did you clean uP"..

    I have tried charts.. lists..

    I am also in contact with a local agency to see if they can help get her traing or into life classes... ty all

    Comment by raeann1968 (original poster) at 4:46 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Write down what you want done, and when and the consequences if she doesn't. Then don't mention it to her again. If she hasn't completed it by the time you set, then the consequences go into effect. Don't comment on it. If she starts whining, just say, look at the chore sheet, and ignor whatever she says.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:10 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

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