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2 Bumps

Talk me down from my paranoia, please?

I can be quite insecure at times, but I've come a really long way with my SO and feeling comfortable and allowing myself to feel loved and accepted.

Things have been a little tumultuous with us lately, but not horrible. We've had a few arguments here and there the last couple of weeks. I've been getting this bad "vibe" from him and feel really distant from him lately.

Well, we were communicating via IM, and in the middle of a conversation, he just disappeared, and it's been a few hours since I've heard from him. It makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable. I don't know where I think he is : ) but it gives me bad feelings.

If you're so willing, will you talk me down from my insanity please? Thank you!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • It's possible internet service is down. Or if he's at work, that his boss wandered by and said "get the hell off the IM." Or that he got dragged into a meeting or some work assignment.

    Can you CALL him? Better than paranoia any day.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:58 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I have to giggle (not at you but at myself). how long have you two been together? Where is he that you were IMing. He could have lost internet access, the IM server could have crashed (yahoo is good for this). He may have got up and got into something without thinking to im you back. My poor friends will be talking to me and all of a sudden I'm gone. Usually I got busy and forgot that I was in the middle of a conversation. IMHO though, if you have doubts about him being unfaithful, you shouldn't be with him. IF the problem is seriously you, being insecure and all that, you shouldn't have a boyfriend until YOU have that issue fixed within yourself. Good Luck hun.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 4:00 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • He's at home, and I would call him, but he doesn't get cell service at our house and we don't have a land line. If he didn't pick up, I fear it would only make me feel worse :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:00 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • It could be anything... is he at work? If he's at work then he definitely has other things to attend to. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom and then got distracted by something - my husband is very easily distracted!

    Maybe he got an important phone call from a friend or family member that totally derailed his train of thought.

    If you were having a disagreement maybe he is taking time to collect his thoughts before talking more.

    There is certainly a whole world of possibilities, I wouldn't worry until you have a chance to say "how was your day, were you busy?"

    ... EVEN IF he wasn't busy, or didn't have "a good excuse" you should still cut him some slack. I am sure you can think of times you've just spaced out, started reading a book, or otherwise checked out from reality for a while - right? As long as he is being nice and stuff otherwise, you'll be OK!

    Answer by angelm523 at 4:00 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Depends on where he is? State side? Out of the country?


    Answer by louise2 at 4:02 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Loss of internet service is far more possible at home than it is at work; maybe the phone company is doing some work or the power company is doing something that has your service out. Since you don't have a landline there's no way to check.

    Or maybe he got distracted by something and hasn't gone back to the computer. Or he decided the conversation was going south and ended it before it could devolve (which would be a smart move).

    I wouldn't be paranoid about it, really. Go about your day and see what happens when you get home.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:10 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Taking a nap?

    Answer by MrsDAP at 4:16 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Girl, get the heck off the ledge before you fall! Now stop this crap right now, you know as well as I do if you take any blond joke and echange "man" for blond, it would still be funny and true. You know he's got no phone service at home and all that's making you crazy is trying to speculate about what you "don't know"...But you do know him. You know him well - so stop and think about this for a second...If there are no storms or possibility that he's lost internet service, then what else might he be doing... let's see... how does a man's mind work? "Talking to wife, talking to wife...look over... O yeah, I was gonna go check the battery on the truck...walk outside, it'll just be a second, she won't even miss me...check the battery...old man drives by looking for Dudley's Farm... husband says here, lemme just show you, I gotta run down the road to check the alternator anyway...BAM forgot IM chat - MEN! Bet ya 10 bucks.

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 4:37 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Now on to the other stuff; there are all sorts of things that make you feel a "vibe" and vibes never feel good (well almost never). Has life been a little stressful for you two, or even just one of you lately?? And all these little arguments coming up probably aren't even about the things you're actually arguing about, are they? They're most likely coming from some unspoken thing like, "I feel you're distant lately and it worries me, so I am a little grumpy and edgy because I don't like this feeling and it makes me feel vulnerable and scared" ALL THE WHILE he is probably feeling "Man! She just seems a little cold to me lately. Good Grief I don't know what I did."
    Go home and talk about talk about this distance and I'll almost bet that you and him will find that you've been mis-communicating unintentionally. We all get on these uneven keels sometimes - it will pass and you'll be laughing and in love again soon.

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 4:43 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I saw that if your radar is on there could be a reason.

    may not hurt to keep a eye on him.

    sorry, it may just be a phase you guys are going through, but ask someone who's been cheated on if they ever said something like 'I suspect this, but I'm just being crazy right? '
    all may be ok, but I think that it never hurts to be smart.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:44 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

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