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Did I do the right thing? adult content

I am telling the story based off of limited memory due to years of supressing it and not being able to remember all the details after it happened, but even after all these years I still wonder if I did the right thing.

When I was 18 I went off to college as most teenagers due. I was at a party, so I feel I put myself in this position without realizing it. I was drugged, and I know this because I only drank three beers and blacked out. The next morning I woke up not knowing where I was. The only thing I knew was that I was in another student's apartment and I knew who he was, but I did not know why I was there or how I got there. I couldn't remember most of the night before.


The next morning I talked to my so called friend who said that he saw the kid who took me home slip something into my drink (without me mentioning that I thought I was drugged). I remember this friend trying to get me to go home, but I refused. Looking back now, I suppose I should have listened.

I despise girls who scream rape when it was consentual or when they are not sure if they were. Therefore, I did not question the alleged offender and I did not persue the matter or say I was raped eventhough I suspected us to have had sex that night. I did not see him slip anything into my drink, I can only go off of the word of someone else. All I know for sure is that I woke up in someone else's apartment after drinking an amount of alcohol that should not have caused me to black out and lose my memory.

For all I know someone else could have slipped something into my drink and I could have consented to go home with this kid. Eventhough in the eyes of the law the sex would have been considered rape if it had happened, I did not and do not want to ruin someone's life based on something I do not know to be 100 % true.

I did however get tested for STD's just in case and everything came out okay.

Did I do the right thing by keeping my mouth shut? If you do not believe I did then what should I have done in this situation?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • It's really up to you. Are you ok with what you did? If so then it was the right thing. You have no obligation to report anything to anyone, espcially if you aren't sure what exactly happened.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 4:19 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Wow, I am so sorry that this happened to you. It is very easy to look back on life and second guess so many things, and sometimes it just isn't worth it. In my opinion, if I knew of a girl that this happened to right now, I would suggest going to the police and having a rape kit done. They would then know if there was a drug in the system and also probably know if there had been an assault. Sometimes if the assault was violent there is tearing and stuff. For a woman who can't remember but feels she may have been victimized this kind of examination (while not pleasant) could answer allot of questions. She would then, with the help of professionals and police, be able to make an educated decision how to proceed. If someone gets drunk and "makes a mistake" with a guy, that's one thing... If she has been drugged and purposely violated that is a different thing. Find a counselor, it helps!
    angelm523

    Answer by angelm523 at 4:20 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Oh, and I agree with JLS - while the option to pursue something should be available to all victimized women, it should never be mandatory!
    angelm523

    Answer by angelm523 at 4:21 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I dealt with something similar, and wondered for a long time if I should have said something. Now, I've realized that it doesn't matter any more. It was years ago and wondering "what if" won't get me any where now. If you need to talk to someone about it, then I would suggest counseling, but there's not much to do about it now but move on.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 4:24 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • If you asked for advice on what to do the morning after you woke up from this event I would tell you that you need to contact authorities. My reason for this is that someone who would slip something into your drink and take you home and rape you while you are passed out, is likely someone that would do this to someone else. If no one ever catches him then who knows how many people he will commit the same crime against. But I don't fault you for what you did because you were confused, and could not remember what happened, and it is very intimidating to think of accusing someone of something so serious without the proof to back up your claim. So I completely understand why you reacted as you did, and I am sorry that this happened to you at all. There isn't always a right or wrong thing, sometimes there is just doing your best at the time, so I don't think you should second guess yourself. Seek counseling if it still bothers you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:25 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I think you should have reported if you suspected it. NO ONE puts them self in this position. He could be doing it to a lot of girls. It is rape even with it being drugged up. He could have passed around STDs or got a girl pregnant. Rape is rape. What he was doing is rape and should have been reported so he could have stopped him from doing it to other girls.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:22 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • This happens sooooooooooo much. :( Most girls do not report because they are confused. It IS rape, though, and that guys probably went on to do it to many, many other girls.

    Did you do the right thing? The right thing is whatever was good for you at the time. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. AN 18 year old is still a baby . . . . it is so hard to go through that . . .

    The best thing that we all can do in the now is teach our sons about respecting women . . .
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 4:37 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I'm so sorry that happened to you. I am not sure if you did the right thing - only you can figure out what you can live with. I know who raped me but I chose to not say anything for many reasons. I was so embarrassed, I felt stupid and I knew nothing would happen to him other than me saying something would cause a lot of gossip and a scene I wanted to avoid. It took me 3 years to even tell my family that it happened. I guess you have to feel that you are ok with whatever you decide. I'm not sure I'd say something if I wasn't 100% sure, but that's just ME.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:40 PM on Feb. 16, 2011