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Did I do the right thing? adult content

Me and my fiance' are watching his 14 year old cousin while the boy's parents go out of the country for 2 weeks. Anyway, today after school, he went upstairs to the guest room he is staying in after saying hi to me (my fiance' isn't home). After a few min. I went upstairs to ask him if he had homework and to bring him his laundry. Well I knocked but I forgot that the door doesn't really work (we never use the room) and if you put any pressure on the door, it will open. Well it did and he was maturbating. I quickly closed the door said "sorry" and went down stairse. Well he came down SO embarrassed and wouldn't even look at me. I felt so bad, this kid is kinda nerdy anyway. So I said, "there is no need to be embarrssed, what you were doing was perfectly natual, I don't think there is a 14 year old boy who doesn't do it. This is no different from me walking in on you going to the bathroom, yes it is a little awkward becasuse that is a private thing, but I am under no dillustion that you don't do that". All the sudden he perked up, he said he thought I would be mad because his mom walked in on him once and she grounded him for a month. Am I wrong that I didn't punish him and basically told him it was natural since his mom would ground him? I just don't think it is right to punish someone for a natural thing, when done in private. Oh and btw, my fiance' is gonna fix the door when he gets home. (I told him when he called from work)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • I think you were right. Your house...your rules.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 4:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • You did the right thing alright, his mom was creating unnecessary trauma over something that is not only natural but healthy to do.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:34 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • No I dont think you were wrong. I used to tell my boys to do that in their rooms and not to mess up my towels. My dh is their step dad and he couldnt believe I actually would openly tell them something like this since his mom sounds alot like the cousins mom. I think if we put stigma on masturbation then there is consequentially going to be some stigma on sex when they get into it. I think all kids need to know what is normal and what isnt.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:35 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I think you did a good thing. I'm sure that he already felt like he was doing a bad thing... and by you saying otherwise (which you are correct), it made him feel more "normal". Boys his age have a hard enough time with puberty and such. His Mom grounding him and prob not wanting to talk about it, puts a strain on their relationship. When/If he needs to talk about things, he'll be sure not to go to her.

    I'd give ya a pat on the back.
    MrsDAP

    Answer by MrsDAP at 4:35 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • You handled that "great", you probably made him finally realize, what he's doing is not a bad thing,according to his mother it was. Good job!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 4:37 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • You handled it the way I most likely would have. Teenage boys masturbating is perfectly normal and natural. Nothing for them to be embarrassed of, ashamed of or punished for. We always had "ground rules" for our son.

    Our "rules" were: Always either in your room or the bathroom. Lock the doors if possible (we always have a standing rule about knocking first since we did not always have locks on the doors). Always clean up after yourself (lol). That was really about it.. Oh yeah, and mom doesn't want to hear about it, keep the juicy details to yourself.. lmao
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:45 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • you handled it perfectly
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 5:54 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • You handled it perfectly!!! His mother should NOT have grounded him for doing something that is natural.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:53 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • His mother is a whackjob if u ask me
    germanmamaof2

    Answer by germanmamaof2 at 4:36 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • He's not your child to ground but I would tell his mother. My sons knew better as well, they would have been grounded. Too many people tease that their teens take long showers and that they know what they are doing in there. Our children got 3 min. to shower...wash hair, wash body, get out. Period. Bedrooms were shared, doors were kept open, they weren't permitted to date until after college (they lived at home while they attended), they had curfews until they graduated from college and they married respectable people from our church from families we have known for generations. Some people are far to lax in raising their children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

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