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I really need advice about my nephew

My nephew is now 10 years old and his father was killed 4 years ago. He was a really good kid until his father passed. I think it was two weeks after his death my sister had someone new. There are no pictures of him anywhere and no one seems to want to talk about it. My nephew began wetting his bed and acting out and now he is on many different kinds of medication. He saw a counseler for a little bit but stopped when my sister moved to a different county like 20 minutes away. The doctors say he has anger issues and ADHD and a few other things I can't remember but i really don't agree. He tells my hubby all the time that he wishes he was his dad and it really breaks my heart. He is always getting yelled at for absolutely everything. I don't know if he truly understands that his father is dead because sometimes he talks about him as though he is still alive. I really think he just needs a therapist to talk about his feelings because I don't think he ever got the chance to grieve and that is why he is acting out. The anger didn't start until his father was killed. I'm afraid to say something to my sister because I think she will get mad at me and ignore me and she is the only family I have in Tennessee. Is it a good idea if he stays with me and my girls for a school vacation or something and I just talk to him about it?? He has stayed with me before for two days but I was too scared to talk to him but while he was with me I didn't see any anger or ADHS or anything like that. I really just need advice because I don't think he needs to be on 5 different medicines, I think he just needs someone to talk to and I would be more than happy to talk to him about it. What should I do?

 
amy.ochoa22

Asked by amy.ochoa22 at 5:13 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (238 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Let him stay with you whenever it's possible. You have the right idea to get him to talk. Talk about his dad ,but don't force him to talk. Ask him if he wants to talk about his dad. Mention his dad. "Your dad used to..." Do you have pictures of his dad? You could display them, promise them to him when he gets older. You just want to keep them safe in your house for now. Nerves will make them wet the bed and act out. If he's being yelled at, or needs to talk and can't at home, you should do all you can for him. But, keep it secret between you and the boy. Don't involve his mother. She might not want interference, even if it's in the best interest of the boy. Sounds like she only cares about her own needs, not that of her son. Too bad. Just do what you can when you can.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 5:29 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I lost my father at 15 and it doesn't matter what age or how they died losing a parent is hard on a child. Those are very strong emotions for someone so young to deal with on their own I would say yes he needs therapy. It might be a good idea to host a few slumber parties at your hour house just so he can be in an environment where he feels safe and can talk about his feelings. I hope all goes well for him and you.

    dorsey3

    Answer by dorsey3 at 5:31 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Sounds like he also needs a positive male role model in his life, is your hubby able to be that person? I would definitely try talking to him. Start a casual conversation and see where it goes. If he seems uncomfortable cut it short. Don't spend too much time on the things you can't control-diagnosis, medication, mom's boyfriend... But try to focus on the things you CAN impact- talking to him, spending time with him, a shoulder to cry on. Good luck

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:36 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • If it is possible for him to stay with you at times, I would let him stay. Be there for him and try to find time to talk to him about what he is feeling. It definitely sounds like he has not grieved for his father. He sounds like he needs someone to talk to about his father and his feelings of his father being gone. You need to let him know you are there to listen any time he wants to talk. He may not open up right away, but as long as you continue to let him know you are there for him and will listen when he needs to talk, he will eventually open up. What ever you do make sure He knows you love him and you are always there for him no matter what he does.
    mlanderson

    Answer by mlanderson at 5:57 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Definitely let him stay. I'm sure your sister is having issues of her own and is dealing with it in her own way. I'm not making excuses for her but a loss like that is hard for everyone.
    KeithsGirl721

    Answer by KeithsGirl721 at 6:06 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Looks like you have the right idea... Show that boy some love... and let him vent..
    peekab00

    Answer by peekab00 at 7:24 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Thanks so much.. i didn't know if it would be okay to talk to him about this sensitive subject but with all your answers i can see that this is really what i need to do.. to answer skittles1108 my hubby would be a great role model for him since he doesn't have another male figure in his life
    amy.ochoa22

    Comment by amy.ochoa22 (original poster) at 3:00 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

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