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How did you break it to your hubby that you want a divorce?

OK bit of a silly question. But seriously anyone who got a divorce, how did you tell your hubby that you are going to file. I'm trying to figure out if I should just say I'm filing for divorce and tell him to move out. Or should I tell him you have X amount of days to get out? You would think he would know that it's heading that way but he's so in denial. This marriage is awful and miserable. We've been trying to work on it for almost a year, when I say we I mean me. He just does whatever he wants & don't keep any of the promises he's made to fix what he messed up. Any suggestions would be helpful. And no rude comments, it's already hard enough.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • eek! I am not sure. I am still struggling. I am not ready for the "D" word just yet
    jujubean1979200

    Answer by jujubean1979200 at 8:17 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I'm not divorced, but hubby said it to me when he was trying to go in another direction. I wasn't ready for it, so it took time and then he changed his mind...and then reality hit me. I've mentioned it to him. Give them the confidence that they CAN do it on their own, that you'd be okay too to live your life without said partner. Express what's been going on in your view and explain how you feel how he's been keeping up his end of the relationship. If you talk to him about it, it could be civil so he doesn't try to spite you and ruin your life in the process. It's more expensive to get a divorce than to stay married so mediation seems to be a safer route to part ways. You can give him the couch in the meantime and let him know he needs to go somewhere else...just remember to be civil so he doesn't go batty. I hope I don't end up in your shoes, but I'm still ready if it happens. -Hugs- and G'luck to you.
    Imortlmommy

    Answer by Imortlmommy at 8:18 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I don't there is an easy way to do this, nor is there a right or bad way. Do what feels right for you. If you want to be fair, give him x amount of days to find a place and get out. Also, be gentle. Like you said, it's a hard situation.

    I suggest having a discussion with him and just plainly, calmly and gently explaining to him that it is not working, and that you are filing for a divorce.
    Dalimonster

    Answer by Dalimonster at 8:20 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • ~*HUGS*~... I do not personally know what you are going through, not going to pretend... but as a woman... "GO WITH YOUR GUT"!!!

    I've been with my husband going on 13 years in June, he's my soulmate and best friend... and I love how he is a "daddy"
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 8:22 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I have no advice for you - I took my vows seriously.
    Holly.

    Answer by Holly. at 8:34 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • wow no rude comments & someone had the nerve to answer saying they took their vows seriously. Maybe someone didn't read the whole post. Believe me I've tried. And if you all knew what it was that he did you would be appauled and wonder why I kept trying to work it out.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:35 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • OP, I know where you're coming from. A marriage won't work or get fixed if only one person is trying to repair the damage. I stressed like mad over whether I could continue with all the hurt, anger, emotional and verbal abuse we endured by him and I realized I didn't love him anymore and I didn't respect him for what he was doing, especially to our son. I tried talking many times and he would not admit there were problems, would not go with me to counseling, try to fix things. Behaviors didnt' change. I finally in discussion told him I was going to divorce him and he was going to move out so I didn't have to move our son. He took his time - a month - but did it. He didn't accept it very well, but it's a year later and he's way over it.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:28 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • honestly, one night i had enough and picked up my purse, told him to make sure our son got to school in the morning, and left....he called a million times and i told him i had nothing left to say to him, i had been repeating the same things over and over for 5 years, he'd had enough time to listen but chose not to. it definately wasnt the best way, and i wouldnt advise it, but at that point, i literally couldnt take another minute of being with him.
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 11:26 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

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