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13 Bumps

I had an Abortion and I deserve the critisim ...have no one to talk to and just need where to release.

I was 8 wks pregnant when I had the abortion. It is really a hard thing for me to talk about. The father is also my toddlers father. He is very physical, emotionally and mentally abusive. I am so emotional as I am typing this. The moment I found out I was pregnant I made a promise to myself, the baby and God that I would not have an abortion. I read on it and saw pictures to make my decision easier. I said to myself that I would never do that. Even though I hated the father and he put me through hell I said I wouldnt abort my baby. My father has distant themselves from me from when I had my first baby. Since I was younf they always put me down and I said that I did not care and would just live my life with my babies and away from them. As my pregnancy progessed the babies father did not want anything to do with me or the baby. It hurt and I tried to be s trong and say I did not need him. He was really all I had and no one else. Then one morning he came home yelling, screaming and swinging at me. I feared for myself and for my daughter. That day I was so distraught that I was pregnant with his kid yet again and he is like this towards me. I live in an apartment he wont help with carrying groceries he wont help shovel my car. I was alone and it was hard. He doese nothing for our daughter. Well that morning I spoke to a friend that kept telling me to do the abortion. I said no I cant then she kept reasoning why I should. After a few moments I decided to do it. I went in and had the abortion. I felt that I couldnt do this all alone again and I didnt want anything to do with him.

Now about 2 months later its hitting me real bad. I killed my baby! I will never see my baby.. NEVER! Itook my baby away from the life he or she was suppose to have. I took my daughters sibling from her. I took my baby that I loved away from myself. I cant take it anymore. I am seriously afraid I will commit suicide at some point. When I was content in keeping my baby I said If I did abort it I know I would commit suicide. Everytime I contemplate it I think of my daughter and how I couldnt do that to her. I pray and I tell God that I dont deserve forgiveness. I feel as though I dont ever deserve to be happy and I dont derserve to live.

I can never take that back. It hurts even more when I see my daughter and her baby pictures. I hope to God that my story will change any womans mind that may be contemplating this. You may think you cant do it but you can and now I have nothing! I will never ever get to know my precious baby.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:23 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (32)
  • ~*Hugs*~... you don't need bashing about now, you need a really good friends and support system in place
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 9:25 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • hugsplease seek help from someone who can help you. At least give the suicide hotline a call.

    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:26 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • – collapse
    Troll post?

    If not, the abortion wasn't the answer. You could have left him. You should leave him.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 9:26 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • Sorry simplicity this is not a troll post. This is something very real that I am going through. I wish it were fake and wish it was a dream.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:27 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • wow -- I am so sorry that you are going through this. You really need to talk to a professional though so that you can get all this off your chest. Don't beat yourself up, that will do NO good whatsoever! You have to be strong for the child that you do have! Learn from this -- do as you have done and help other young women make the right decision -- then, at the very least, something good will come out of it. Good luck to you -- and you are not alone.
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 9:27 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I'm sorry you felt you had to do this, and now having problems accepting your decision. I suggest you go to therapy or call a crisis hotline number or something. If you are still with the abusive bf you need to leave now with your toddler before anything else happens.

    Good luck - and wheither you think it or not God will forgive you if you are truly sorry, even if you don't feel you deserve it. Go get some help so that your toddler has a mommy. and get away from that man asap!!!
    autbot

    Answer by autbot at 9:27 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I'm sorry, OP. Talking to a therapist would be good for you.

    Take care of yourself and your daughter.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 9:28 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • YOu poor thing...everyone deserved forgivness and God will forgive you...most people have no right to judge and they should not criticize you. I was in a VERY abusive relationship also. No kids came of it, but nonetheless, I feared for my life for a long time. YOu need a good support group to depend on. Feeling suicidal is normal but you should know that your daughter deserves to have her mother. Sweetheart, you need to report all this to the police, if he treats you this way. You need to move far away from him. There are shelters for abused women and children. If anything, do it for your daughter. It's you and her, and that's all that matters. When the time is right God will bless you with another baby with the RIGHT person :) You need to remember that you have a precious daughter that needs her mother. Im so sorry for you. Please seek help if you are truly thinking about suicide. God bless you and you are in my prayers.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 9:28 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Wow... All I've got to say is that you need to pick yourself up, and be strong for that little girl. She needs you. I'm not judging you, nor what you did... However, suicide will not end your pain, your little girl will not only not have her mother (which EVERY lil girl needs) she will also be raised by her abusive father. She needs you, she needs your love. Be strong, and be there for her.
    momma_marian

    Answer by momma_marian at 9:29 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • Well you made a mistake, and you have to forgive yourself,, I pray that you are away from the man,,,,if not you need to be for you and youdaughter's sake! You have a child who needs you, and you need to take care of her and yourself,, God forgives every sin except for suicide, then what would happen to your daughter,, I think you need some counseling and quick,, you have hormones as well as guilt, please call family services or something,, your not bad, you just made a bad choice,, honestly even before you got PG, by being involved and having your kiddo around violence,hugs to you and you can pm me if you need to talk, don't do anything to harm yourself,, your kiddo wouldn't be able to make it!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:31 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

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