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How do i handle special case step children?

my husband and i recently gained emergency custody of his 4 children from his previous marriage, the kids all have their individual abuse issues to deal with. they are moody, aggressive, defiant, and disrespectful. i love them nd try to showthem continuously but they give me grief daily. what can i do to better connect and relate with the kids?

Answer Question
 
ash.k.ray

Asked by ash.k.ray at 9:29 PM on Feb. 16, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (56 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • ~*Stabilty*~ which will be shown daily, ground rules, and over time as you are continually THERE

    ~*Hugs*~
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 9:33 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • My best advice (I've been in a similiar situation) is to take one day at a time. Do not hold on to your anger. Keep a good support system by your side. A family therapist would be a good idea. They should be able to help you effectively parent the children without making it seem like your trying to take her place and help them accept that you're not the bad guy. I wish you the best of luck. PM me if you need to vent, an ear, or anything else.
    ToraMay

    Answer by ToraMay at 9:52 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • i agree that stability is major! i get the pleasure of waking them up each morning for school. i make sure we do the same routine so it helps mornings go smoothly. and hugs r number 1! but they came from total instabiliy before and r resisting the new rules. we r not strict, just common sense. whenever they need things they come to me but i am the first one they mouth off to or act out to. then their dad walks n and they act all sheepish.
    ash.k.ray

    Comment by ash.k.ray (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I would suggest family counseling, and just keep doing what your doing, huggles to you,,being a stepmom can be hard, but trust me your going to make a difference in their lives!! If they came from no structure, its going to take a bit for them do adjust,, bite your tounge count to ten, and a hot bath and a glass of wine will make you feel better!!!!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:03 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • I am in kind of a similar situation. We got custody of four children about 7 months ago from his previous marriage and their mom didn't care for them properly, to say the least. Basically the oldest, who is 12, raised her siblings til just recently. They don't mouth off to me very much, but when they do, it is frustrating. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and remember that they are adjusting. Counseling helps, and when I have a little extra money, I try to take each one out alone with me for a special treat. Doesn't have to be much, but they so appreciate the one on one time, since they didn't get it with bio mom. Just hang in there, it will get better :)
    AlyssaN

    Answer by AlyssaN at 10:10 PM on Feb. 16, 2011

  • just always be there for them and be open with them . let them know and feel like they can open up and talk to you . and dont stress over small stuff :) 1 year ago me and my husband won custody of my stepdaughter whos 15 and she also had alot of abuse and neglect issues with her mother and her mothers b/f as a result she has trust issues and is sometimes very disrespectful towards me but shes testing me to see if she can trust me and taking out her anger and upset on me . .its going to be very hard for you emotionally and mentally :(
    babie113

    Answer by babie113 at 1:12 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • thank you all so much for your advice and well wishes! i can c that i came to the right place! we have the kids in counseling due to the severity of abuse,but i hadnt thought about going myself.
    ash.k.ray

    Comment by ash.k.ray (original poster) at 7:42 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

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