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8 Bumps

Do you get tired of taking the high road all the time? Meaning, being the bigger person in even tough situations?

Am I being a "better" person for not going on a rant or clearing up any misguided thoughts people have about someone you can't stand? This person that I can't stand is related to my family as an ex but still tries to intervene quite manipulatively. I feel like I've let this person intervene enough but something always makes me back down for sake of being civil despite my husband's name and mine being dragged through the mud. Is there ever a good time to let people know exactly what kind of person she really is or just suck it up and let it fester?

 
Philly247

Asked by Philly247 at 11:03 AM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,352 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Taking the high road takes less energy in the grand scheme of things. Trying to make sure everyone "knows" the story takes too much negative energy. It's just like my ex. I don't have to spend energy letting people know he is an A$$. His colors come shining through quite well on their own. Other people are smarter than you think. They see things when you don't think they do. And, you don't need to belittle yourself by trying to make sure they do. Too many people have a tendency to play into the family drama. No matter how you clear this issue up (or not) there will ALWAYS be more to replace it. Don't add to it. Live your life with your family how YOU want to. Leave the drama to the drama queens.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 11:15 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Maybe you should just confront the person privately. It may not change the situation or that person's mind but it would sure make you feel better. You can still be the bigger person by not confronting them in front of others or complaining about this person to others. By discussing it just between the two of you, you let them know how you feel without slinging mud.
    KeithsGirl721

    Answer by KeithsGirl721 at 11:11 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • If you respond then you give credence to what they are saying. I believe in ignoring bad behavior. Surely people who know you know if what she/he says is true or not. If someone asks you about it I'd tell them to question his/her credibility and leave it at that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Karma will get them sooner or later for their actions. Just try to let it go.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 11:18 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Everyone makes good points, but at some time, taking the high road, you get the shaft. My ex, being the liar he is, has been telling lies all his life. People who know him know this. Except our son, who is young, but learning now. I used to take the high road when he told lies, verbally abused me (this continues to this day). Well, my son thought since i wasn't saying anything, maybe daddy is right? he started to question this when he was about 5. my mom insisted that i need to speak up and tell him the truth, so he can make up his own mind and not believe my ex's lies. so i started speaking up, right there in front of my ex, to his face when he lied, in front of our son. our son started to see the lies and actually didn't feel so confused after that. cont.....
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 11:26 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • And i've always been civil in trying to keep the peace, letting his verbal abuse slide, ignoring it. well, he made some horrible accusations saying i cared about money only and not our son. He owed me money, and is always late on CS. That crossed the line. I couldn't "take the high road" anymore. I blew up and let him have it. He was wrong, and we both knew it. I could take him back to court any day and he's be sorry. I havn't b/c i've been trying to be the calm, rational one. Well, speaking up, he ended up apologizing, over and over, and paying up. Now i can go back to being calm and rational. But i refuse to take his lies and verbal abuse anymore.
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 11:32 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • There are times when you must speak out. Be careful what time you choose though. Rehearse what you will say.
    MLM247

    Answer by MLM247 at 6:37 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • My father always says...
    Never stoop to the level of those kinds of people. Not even THEY like being there. LoL
    Believe me. She knows what kind of person she is, and so does everyone else. She is only trying to rattle your cage and get a reaction out of you. Be the bigger and better person. And if you must say anything, say it directly, bluntly, and simply. "you are no longer welcome in mine or my husbands life. We don't want you there, and i hope you respect that." and if she keeps butting in, get a Temp. Restraining order against her. At least that will keep her away from you physically, and if you show up somewhere, and she is there, BY LAW she needs to leave. You don't even have to say anything. Bwahahahahahahahaha
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 10:43 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • They know.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:05 AM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I tried to be the nice guy and unfortunately I still am with my ex.... he honestly deserves to get thrown into some sticker bushes lol I'm doing it for the sake of my son but I definately told him off the other night... felt so good!
    June_Mama09

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 11:06 AM on Feb. 17, 2011