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2 Bumps

What would you do? 24 yr. old

My SIL is 24, lives at home and is out of work. She had been working at a local big box store(5 years), but got fired and hasn't tried to find a new job. Her 'job' right now is supposed to be keeping the house clean, laundry caught up, etc. and to take her younger sister back and forth to school.
Her parents basically have to bully her into doing any chores - she is completely unmotivated. They tried sending her to a local community college. The first semester she failed every class, took the same set of classes again the next semester and failed every class again. Found out she was just driving half an hour one way to go to the mall every day instead of class. She tried moving out once, next door in a rental trailer with a friend, but the friend didn't pay their part of the bills and she couldn't pay for it all on her own, so she's back home with no prospect or great desire of moving out. (and why should she, she's getting a free ride!)

Her folks have threatened her before about being kicked out if she can't get herself together. I'm kind of wondering when the other shoe is going to drop at this point if she chooses not to seek employment or take care of the house in return for food and lodging.

What can I do to help motivate her to better her situation before things turn sour for her with her family? She's not doing herself any favors, and their patience isn't going to last forever. I think tough love and a hard lesson are coming her way, and deservedly so.
She lacks a lot of social graces and seems to be completely uninterested in having a social life or furthering her education.

What would you do with this kid??


Asked by hippomom1919 at 1:47 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 13 (941 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • nothing.. SHE has to want to make these changes.. she's 24 - that's old enough to know better..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:50 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Take her to some life counseling maybe.....

    Answer by older at 1:51 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • kick her out and make her do things on her own. she obviously needs to learn the hard way.

    Answer by febmom007 at 1:52 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I would give her 6 weeks to have a job and begin paying rent, or to be out. She is an adult. Mom and Dad are just enabling her to make poor choices because she is not being held to her word. Sometimes the best way to help adult children is let them fall on the butt and pick themselves up. It took my oldest 6 yrs to begin to pull his head out. He is currently living at home, paying no rent. He IS going to a trade school and we see grade sheets once a month. As long as he keeps his grades at an 80 or better he can stay. He has 8 weeks after graduation to get a job. He isn't messing around because he's learned, finally, that we are serious.


    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:00 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I happen to have a 24 yr. old, but he's been to war and back. He has, however given me other challenges, and I have had to practice tough love with him. Before they boot her out, maybe someone could take her to a mental health clinic to have her evaluated for depression. I would rule out depression and drug use before proceeding with tough love.

    Answer by poisonivy2917 at 3:12 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Poisonivy took the words right out of my mouth. She sounds as if she has depression. Have her checked out. Good luck.


    Answer by dalene66 at 9:23 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • she definitely isn't on drugs - but I would agree on depression and probably some kind of social disorder. We've talked to her about getting counseling, but she's not interested.

    Comment by hippomom1919 (original poster) at 8:59 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • There's only so much you can do, the rest is up to her. If she complains about her situation, just say "I'm sure you'll figure something out" and change the subject.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 10:05 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • There has to be an underlying problem that she is not acknowledging. Therapy seems to be the easy answer. If she doesn't think she needs help she won't accept it. Could it just be that she is afraid to be on her own and avoiding the responsibilities of adulthood because she doesn't have a clue what to do with her life. This is not unlike almost all young adluts in an economy that has even the hghly qualified out of work.

    Answer by Annabella612 at 3:43 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Her PARENTS need to tell her counseling to help her deal with her issues, looking for a job (set up how many she has to apply for a day or week). If she doesn't then she can go live in a homeless shelter.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:49 PM on Feb. 19, 2011