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My mom asked me if we would caregive for her and my father at my house for three months. What should I do?

I told her no since we already told her a few months ago tht it was too much to handle. Then she finally told me she got upset that we did not go over for her birthday. My mil and sil asked me if we were going but I thought my brother was coming over for my son's birthday. I am so upset now because I told my husband and he wants me to go for the week and my mom said no way. She is tired of splitting me and my husband up so I could caregive for her and then my husband is very much washing his hands out of the whole situation. He is distant lately and if I do not remind him that we have to go over he acts as if it is not his responsibility and all he thinks about his his side of the family. Help.Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • You really do have to look after them. It will damage your family for a while but you will repair eventually. My sister and I were in this situation. She helped. I did not. After many years I can see that she did the right thing. I was in the wrong. Offer to care for them in their own home. They will be happy there with all their belongings. After a while get a social worker to help get them into a care facility. Your husband and children will see you are a loving person and that you are prepared to go to great lengths for those you hold in your heart.

    Answer by MLM247 at 6:16 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • What type of caregiving are they needing? Perhaps their insurance policy has coverage for some homecare that would help aleviate some of the stress on your family. It's worth looking into.

    Answer by specialwingz at 1:55 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Your parents cared for you through sickness and health all through your childhood. Why wouldn't you do the same in return? They don't stop being your parents just because you grew up and moved out. Dementia and strokes are things beyond their control & they're looking to you for help. Again, I say - check with their insurance company - homecare is commonly covered in most policies. Between homecare & your assistance, your parents could stay in the comfort of their home, yet receive the help they need - from BOTH - homecare AND YOU!

    Answer by specialwingz at 2:10 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Your family comes first....if it affects your relationship with your husband and your time with your children...I don't believe it's something that's your "responsibility". In turn, your husband needs to be open and loving towards your wants/needs and your love for your parents who raised you. You in turn need to be respectful of his feelings as well. Grab a babysitter, sit down with your husband and work on your situation with open communication.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Regardless of what type of care they need, they are reaching out to you and if I were in your shoes I would do it, hubby needs to realize that the world does not revolve around just him and his family.

    Answer by older at 2:01 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • What type of care do they need?

    Answer by Mommyto2LilMen at 1:56 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • sorry, I don't understand this

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:00 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • dementia for my dad
    stroke for my mom

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:00 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • sorry maxsmom

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:01 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • They raised and now it is your turn. Remind dh that he doesn't know when he might be in the same stuation to take care of some of his family. JMO.

    Answer by arenad at 2:12 PM on Feb. 17, 2011