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3 Bumps

My SO's ex gf emailed him...again! what to do?

Okay, let me preface this by saying in the beginning of our relationship, my SO openly informed me he's still friends w/ a few ex's and he's not the type to cut off friendships bc a girl is jealous. I said that's fine, and now I'm even friends w/ some of them- no harm there. There is, however, one ex that is trying very hard to befriend him again--mind you she openly expresses her love for him (she knows he's w/ me and we have a child)..oh and this is the girl that cheated on him and broke his heart a couple yrs ago. He's a nice guy, so he's emailed her back maybe once or twice- they don't keep in touch and he usually tells me if she emails him. Well this morning his email was up and I saw she emailed him. She is in Thailand, so sent a pic of her in her bikini (she's never sent pix before) "just to say hi" and say she misses him- she also asked about our daughter! Ok anyway, I do trust him, but it still bothers me. Should I say anything or leave it alone and trust him?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • i am not the jealous type at all, but that being said, i find that there is no reason for a girl, especially an ex, to be sending a guy in a relationship WITH a child a picture of herself in a bikini. much less profess her love for him. very, very inappropriate. he might be nice and all but he needs to grab hold of his manhood and either block her or be honest with her and tell her shes being inappropriate and whatever they had was in the past. i would not be okay with this, it has nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with his respect for you and her total lack of respect that hes in a relationship.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:24 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • the way i see it if there are no kids involved then there shouldn't be contact that's just me and if she is sweet talking him then you need to talk to him and let him know that he needs to tell her to back off and that it's inapropriate... but right on for you to be friends with some of them... i don't think i could.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 2:26 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • He totally ignores her when she pulls the "I love you so much" crap- and that was only twice (about 6mths ago). He's also told me he would never talk to her if he still harbored any remote feelings, and I tried to explain that if she still loves him, that's enough to not talk. He knows I saw she emailed him (he was right there) but he doesn't know I later opened it- and would be pretty upset and feel mistrusted if he did...hence why I'm unsure of bringing up the pic, bc then i admittedly snooped
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:31 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I think she has crossed the line from 'friendship' to 'inappropriate'! (to me it sounds like she is 'on the make' and trying to get him back). I think it is time to talk to your man and let him know that you are ok with him being friends with 'exs' BUT this ex is another story. I would let him know that you saw the picture, and that she has taken things way too far. I would ask that he tell this ex that he has no intention of being with her again, and due to her actions he has not choice but to end the friendship and block her.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:34 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Unless he has made vows to you, he is in the eyes of most women, still available. Sad to say, but even if he has made vows to you, in the eyes of a lot of women, he is still availabe. There's nothing you can do either way. It is entirely up to the man to put these aggressive females in their proper place. Again sad to say, most will not because they find the attention very gratifying. About the only thing you can do if you want to have a one-woman man is to tell him that, and then let him choose either you or all the others. In my 46 years of marriage, I have never had to share my husband's affections with another woman, and he for sure has never had to share mine with another man. That is what committment is all about, and I think it's high time you found out if this guy is willing to make it. If he's not, then I would turn him loose and wait for a man who was looking for a wife for a life-time.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:38 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Point out to him that there is a huge diffrence between being friends with ex's that are just wanting friendship and ones that want back in his pants. How ok would he be with one of your exs hanging around telling you how much they love you and sending you pictures of them trying to look good?
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 2:49 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • She cross the line with that pix. How would he feel if you where still friends with your exes.

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 3:16 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • She has crossed the line and he needs to put a stop to it. I had a similiar situation myself and I had to explain to my husband how it made me feel and he ended all contact with her. Your guy needs to do the same. She has no respect for you, your relationship or child. I don't know if it helps but sometimes I find men are clueless in these situations. It's like babe I have no feelings for her and they expect you just to know they love you and not be bothered by the tramp. But when i told my hubby put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel if an ex who still had feelings for me sent me a half naked pic of himself?? That should get the testosterone flowing.. Good luck!
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 3:51 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • WHOA!!! no ma'am this is exactly what i would tell him.. honey you may be sweet but this is waaay out of line. 1st of all she knows you are with him.. and 2nd of all if the girl is still telling him she loves him that is waaaay waaaay past the line.. and unless she is friends with both of you and has no interest in trying to break up the relationship then she shouldnt NOT be asking about our child.. tell him that you would appreciate it if he could stop communicating with her.. its one thing to be nice.. honey youre being nice by befriending his other ex's.. I have had to do this before.. i am friends with a few of my husbands ex.. absolutely LOVE them.. but one crossed the line by trying to sneak and talk to him.. and by deciding to disrespect me and try feeling up on him when i am standing right beside him.. JUST bc you had 2 drinks you thought i would over look it.. you were wrong and you no longer are in his life..
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 4:08 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • he will get the occasional happy bday or comment on pics of our kids.. BUT all it says is he is cute.. and thats all My hubby will say thanks and thats as far as it goes. but she also leaves it so I can see.. but she stopped getting invited to the "family/friend" get togethers which happens often. cookouts and everything.. sooo she got the hint she crossed the line ;)
    Ross2010

    Answer by Ross2010 at 4:10 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

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