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How do you handle....

how do you handle the situation when you don't agree with how your SO reacted?

the way my husband disciplines our son sometimes really bothers me. I don't want to argue with my DH but i'm definitely not happy with him

he recently came back from a deployment and then entire time he was gone he kept telling me I was overreacting and that our son is going through the terrible 2's and here he is overreacting.
idk what do you do?

 
Parkers_Mommy8

Asked by Parkers_Mommy8 at 2:33 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 13 (962 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I wait until everyone was in a calm mood and then say "can I discuss something with you?". That's the answer for anytime you don't agree with your SO. Then listen, discuss and compromise.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:36 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I tell my DH when DD isn't around. He does the same to me. We never undermine each other in front of her though.
    August07Mom

    Answer by August07Mom at 2:38 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I would speak to him about it privately at a time when things are calm and try to work out together a discipline plan that you both agree on and feel comfortable with. When your child is misbehaving everyone gets stressed/frustrated/irritable so you have to have something already in place for how to deal with it. One thing I love about time out is the very clear script of it. First off, the child always gets a warning, so they have a chance to make the right choice and correct themselves. "Billy, if you don't stop _____ you will get a time out." If Billy doesn't stop, "Billy, you have time out because you _____" and then you put the child in the time out spot and leave them there for one minute per year of age. You return and say "You had time out for _____. I don't want you to do that anymore. Would you like to say sorry?" Then a quick hug and it's over, no time to argue back and forth or let anger get the better of you. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 2:42 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • We never undermine each other in front of her though.


    ITA. You need to support one another. Here is what I mean. When you have a problem with your child, it is not right for your husband to brush you off. The problem is just as much of a problem to your husband, not just you, no matter how far away he might be. He needs to support you way more and take you more seriously. IMO. You need to come up with some discipline tactics also. Make some decisions together.
    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 3:40 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • in my house i do the disciplining ( slanking etc...)
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 2:35 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • well this could go beyond a simple parenting style disagreement.

    are you sure he doesnt have PTSD?

    my husband does.. and i also disagree with his discipline methods. it took us two years after he got back from his 15 month deployment to realize he had a problem, and some major conflicts involving the children along the way. all i can stress is please encourage him to get checked out for that before things get worse. and if it is PTSD and is left untreated, it will get worse. i am dealing with this right now and believe me, it is no picnic.

    if you have any questions about it PM me. but if you think he is crossing the line, its possible he needs help. GOOD LUCK!
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 2:39 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I pull my husband aside and speak to him privately about his actions. He usually feels terrible and agrees that he was out of line (though it is rare that this is needed). Once he is calm we gather the children, or whichever one of them was the target, and we discuss what happened, and my husband apologizes.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 2:53 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

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