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MIL

Ok, long story lol. My mother in law is a great one, probably one of the better ones out there BUT she is a alcholic. She pretty much left both her sons be raised by thier father's (they are half bros) parents, until they were so old. She took care of them as babies, but thats pretty much it. She has been in countless abusive relationships because all she is worried about is having money for cigs and beer. We have cut her off because her ex bf tried to kill her, when we were living with them for a few months, while we were asleep. She called cops, blah blah blah...then after a few week, cancled the protective order, dropped chrages, and moved him back in. My dh and i told her flat out grandson or bf, chose bf!!! we moved out 2 weeks later. last we heard, she broke up with him cause he cheated on her and he went to jail with new gf for physcail fight. Shoud hubby and i give her a chance for ds sake or has she messed up enough people's lives?

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dreamangel06

Asked by dreamangel06 at 3:02 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,433 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • She sounds kind of toxic. I don't think the slight possibility of her developing a healthy relationship with your son is worth the risk of her doing something to damage him. I wouldn't have my kids in that situation.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 3:06 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Difficult situation for sure. Family is important. I would let your ds get to know his grandmother but under supervised conditions. I'd set up some rules. You bring ds to visit, no bf's or booze. Period. She breaks the rules, you go home. If her grandson means enough to her she'll spare a couple of hours for him.
    KeithsGirl721

    Answer by KeithsGirl721 at 3:08 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Only if she has gone to group treatment, counseling, and is attending AA meetings. You cannot let your son witness that kind of stuff.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 3:08 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Tell her if she want to see your son then she has to go to rehab and prove that she has changed.

    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 3:11 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • AA was part of her probation for drunk driving along with getting tested for drinking, but she always managed to get around it somehow. we do see her every time theres a family thing, so its not like she never sees him. oh and what made me mad was she forgot ds bday!!! people that we hardly ever see called to wish him a happy bday! granted he is 3 but still!!!
    dreamangel06

    Comment by dreamangel06 (original poster) at 3:14 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • For me I stay clear of the toxic relationships like that! My mother is a pill popper...I haven't talke to her for 6yrs!! For me it's just not worth the stress!!
    RNC2005

    Answer by RNC2005 at 3:14 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I think if you let her in his life you keep a close eye. She may be welcome to come and visit him in your home when you are there, but if you suspect she has been drinking she must go, and if she protests or causes a scene one time then she loses that privilege as well. Clearly, he should never be in a car with her driving (if she even still has a license) and should not be alone with her where you are not there with your watchful eye to make sure all is well. Alcoholism is so hard to understand because in so many ways it is a disease and often gets to a point where it isn't just about the person having the "will power" to stop, and yet it is so frustrating to watch that person make the same horrible, destructive choices over and over again. I think it's important to try to give them things in life to appreciate and want to get sober for, but not at the risk of your son's safety or emotional well being. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:35 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • ImaginationMama-Agreed. Tell her she can't see him unless she is seriously going to meetings. I would have as little communication with her as possible when you have to see her. When you tell her this let her know ya'll love her and just want her to get better so you all can have a happy and safe relationship.
    CollinsMommy729

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 4:30 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I see so many red flags here. I'm in no means saying what she has done in the past is right but is evident that there's something seriously wrong with her. No one in their right minds would be in this type of position and be sane. I would try by all means to help her as much as possible without risking the safety of myself and my children. Giving her an ultimatum to either get help or not see your grandchild may be a waste of breath because until she's ready to face her demons, she will continue down this spiral path that she sees as her escape from the real world....
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:18 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Love her. Send birthday presents. Invite her to Christmas dinner. Do not invite her to stay the night. Your duty is to your own husband and children, not her. But do not say anything bad about her around your husband and children. That will only create a bad feeling.
    MLM247

    Answer by MLM247 at 6:02 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

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