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2 Bumps

Should this have been a "pick your battle" moment for my 10 yr old and I?

I have a VERY argumentative 10(almost 11 ) year old boy named Joshua :) In order to keep some peace around here, I really do ATTEMPT to pick my battles with him...if its not worth a fight...I let it be...such as how he wants his hair cut..I bite my tongue and allow him to express himself.
WELL...this morning..he walked downstairs ready for school in a tshirt that was all stained up..CLEAN..yes..STAINED>>very much so!YUCK! I made him change it and he was just not happy about it.It still being winter out, I made him then go get a sweatshirt to throw over the (now changed tshirt)..he comes down in a sweatshirt that is intended for play..stained dirty around wrists and looks 100 yrs old. I sucked in my breath..I just knew it was going to be a battle. My mind raced..should I or shouldnt I make him go change?
I said,"Josh, honey...thats sweatshirt really isn't appropriate for school." He automatically kicks in his argue mode."THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS SHIRT I'M NOT CHANGING AGAIN!" he yells.I say "Josh, it IS clean but it is very stained and I can't let you go to school like that, you look like a hobo". JOSH: "I don't look like a hobo,mommmmmm and I like this shirt". ME:" JOSHUA,go change your sweatshirt..your teachers are going to think I don't wash you clothes and what you wear is a reflection of me so go change it RIGHT NOW" JOSH:" YOURE GONNA MAKE ME MISS MY BUS MOM!!I'M NOT CHANGING!" ME: " YES YOU ARE! NOW! GO!"
LOL...he did eventually go change but not before we became louder and louder.Do you think this was one of those battles I should have just closed my eyes and sucked my breath in on and let go? Or was this a good time to have stood my ground?
I mean..I don't want him going to school looking dirty, you know.Plus he goes to a school where a lot of kids are pretty well off...i've been there and they dress neat and clean...
What do you think you would have done in this situation?


Asked by kimberlyinberea at 3:08 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 29 (39,262 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I would have asked him to change, but my reasoning would have been "the way you present yourself in public gives an image of yourself, going around in clothes that are stained/ragged tells people you don't care about yourself, and while I know that's not true, I will not have people think that, because then they will think they can kick you around".

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 3:12 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • First off, I probably would have done what you did. HOWEVER, I would go and get EVERYTHING that is not school appropriate out of his room and store it where he can only have access on the weekends. That should end the I don't have a 10 year old son yet, but I will know in about 9 years what you are going through. my 15mos old DS gives me grief already about changing clothes. My battle is a physical one.

    Answer by aikenchic at 3:18 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I would be sure that these stained shirts and sweatshirts are cut up for rags. It will avoid that confrontation.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:14 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • i think you did the right thing. i would have done the same.

    Answer by rAbella at 3:15 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Could have, should have. Blah blah. it's done now. You could always throw the offensive clothing away... Maybe you could discuss his clothing choices when he gets home...calmly...

    Answer by KeithsGirl721 at 3:15 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I would've stood my ground IF I allowed my children to talk back. Just by reading your post, it seems that there's no lines drawn as to who's the parent, and who's the child. If you asked Joshua to change his shirt because of a stain or whatever the reason may be, then Joshua should change his shirt without giving you any problems with it. He's 10 and the child your the adult, the parent and he should respect that. As he ages (and he will) it will get tougher to reason with him or to discipline him if this continues...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:16 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I think you did the right thing..if it was a style thing i would say let him pick his style but this was a grunge thing lol and he needs to take some pride in his appearance.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:22 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I would have let him wear what he wanted. A battle I am not willing to fight unless it is a special occasion. My son wore the same outfit for weeks at a time. His teacher asked me why. I told her that it's his favorite outfit and it's fight I am not willing to have. I washed the outfit a couple of times a week, while he was sleeping and put it back on before he woke up. Her boys did the same thing.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 4:19 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • If he wants to go to school looking like something the cat dragged in, that's his choice. He'll want to dress nice for the girls soon enough.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 3:13 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Good advice Beloved...if I put it in his mind that its about him and not about me in any way shape or form..maybe he WILL WANT to dress nicer, could work!! THANKS! :) I will definitley keep that in mind with the next clothing battle that is sure to come my way!

    Comment by kimberlyinberea (original poster) at 3:15 PM on Feb. 17, 2011