Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Would you believe him?

My hubby has been known to smoke in the past. I have caught him lying to me about smoking before (wouldn't be a big deal if 1 he showered before coming home since our dd has severe asthma and 2 we shouldn't have to smell the stench). He would find stupid excusses to go to his moms house (who is a smoker) and blame the smell on her. Well, that was so he could go and smoke...and I caught him in the lie. Well, he is pulling the same crap as he did before. He had to go and visit his mom to wish her a happy valentines day (which is nothing more than a "hallmark holiday" to him). His mom lives 5 minutes closer to work than us so he always has to stay the night there so he can get 5 minutes more of sleep. He has to go there cause his mom sneezed 5 times while talking to her on the phone so he has to make sure she is okay. I have confronted him on it and he says he isn't smoking. I dont believe him. I told him if he is, he needs to come clean now cause if I find out he is smoking, he is gone (not worth my dd health and I am not going to be married to a fricken liar). So, would you believe your hubby if he lied to you about something before and then they are doing the same behavior he was before?

Answer Question

Asked by sondamom0828 at 3:20 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (281 Credits)
Answers (34)
  • I would have never married a smoker. He's addicted to it. Addicts lie. That's just the way it is

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Is your daughter so asthmatic that she can't even bare the stench on his clothes? or are you worried that it might send her into an attack? If not....then just let him smoke.....OUTSIDE. That way he's not in a smoke concentrated area and he can have his fix. Try buying nicotine patches!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I never would have married him! Does not seem to care about his childs asthma! U can tell is he is still smoking, smell his fingers and his breath. Kiss him,u will be able to taste it.

    Answer by dancer at 3:30 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • She has asthma attacks from it just being on his clothes. She has been hospitalized from it too. I know people don't believe that 3rd hand smoke is a problem and it isn't for some, but for our dd it is a major issue due to her asthma.

    Comment by sondamom0828 (original poster) at 3:31 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • personally, i think if the man wants to smoke he is going to. nothing you say or do will stop him from doing that, he is just going to hide it from you which is probably what he is doing now.

    as far as your daughters sake, that would be the only reason id be upset about it. i would make sure he only smoked outside and washed his hands before touching her. he shouldnt smoke in the car that is used to commute your dd places either since the tar/toxins will stick to the fabrics.

    a grown man is capable of making the decisions of his own health for himself. while it might not be the best decision (and youre a good wife for caring about his health) its still only his decision. you giving him ultimatums frankly isnt fair and you might not like the outcome.

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:32 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I think the fact that he sleeps at his mom's house because she is 5 MINUTES closer to his work is BS! Aside from the whole smoking issue! That is rediculous!! I do agree with Anonymous, maybe compromise and let him smoke outside, if possible. My husband and I both used to be smokers and it took way longer for my husband to quit than it did for me. (I quit because I found out I was pregnant) But he would slip up and try to hide it from me. He finally quit because HE WAS READY. That is key, if he doesn't really want to quit, deep down then it doesn't matter how much you pressure him, he will start back up again. I know you really want him to quit, but is this worth losing your marriage over? I am sure we all have DH/SO that do things we wish we could change, but they have to be the one to change, you can't make them change.

    Answer by Blakesmommy0907 at 3:32 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Oh before we married he was on wellbutrin to stop smoking and he did till the last year.

    Comment by sondamom0828 (original poster) at 3:32 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I think you are being unreasonable that you would divorce your dh and break up your family over smoking. If you keep trying to get him to quit the way you are he is going to keep doing it. Asking him to compromise and cut down is a better way to go. Asking him to change his clothes and wash his hands and brush his teeth is much different than saying quit or I am divorcing you. This is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high. No one takes marriage seriously anymore. Geesh!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • if you suspect him of smoking now, how has your daughters health been since youve been smelling the smoke on him?

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:33 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Ending your marriage over your husband smoking is a little drastic if you ask me, at least he is being careful not to expose your daughter, give the man a break, if he is smoking and not telling you do you blame him?, you are causing a commotion over the thought of him doing it, if I were him I would not tell you either!

    Answer by older at 3:35 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.