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What keeps parents/family from helping a child that needs it?

My nephew has major issues. He touches his cousin inappropriatley, wears high heels, disrespects all authority and much more. He lives in a bad household with a drug addict mother and his grandparents (he and his addict mom lives with them) do nothing. Why? They say that they know he needs mental help but they just wont do it. Are they embarassed? What would cause someone to not want to help their child/grandchild. They have custody of him. He is 10. Please give me some insight on this. Thanks


PS I have talked with MIL about my concerns and she agrees. It upsets her that things are this way but yet again she does nothing but ignore it. Is it a form of denial? Why is denial OK when it comes to a childs life?

 
Steph319

Asked by Steph319 at 6:31 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 21 (11,543 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Some people can say that "they know he needs help", but when it comes to taking him for help, they won't because then they have to ACCEPT that something is wrong with him. And if drugs are involved, and the grandma knows about it and does nothing, then that child has NO ONE to speak for Him. Your MIL might think that if she says something, the mom might get pissed, take the child, and she will not be able to make sure he is ok. And if the mom is on major drugs, she most likely doesn't care about her child more than the drugs, and taking him to get help will interfere with her "dosages".
    You should just find somewhere you can take him for help, and let her know that you would be more than willing to take him, if she cant find a way there. You all know he needs help, one of you needs to stick up for him.
    I wish you the best!
    Mme.Langley

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 8:28 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I cannot imagine why they would not want to get him help. Maybe it is a form or denial by not dealing with the issues. But, the longer they wait , I would think the worse this will get. The fact that this child is growing up and not getting the help he so desperately needs is sad. Is there anyway you can step in and help him? If they are going to continue to ignore his problems, these problems will not just go away. His issues need to be dealt with now. Living in this type of envirnonment is not healthy for him. If this child is touching his cousin inappropriately, chances may be this was done to him. Please try and convince whoever has custody of this child to seek help if that means you going with them then do so. Denial is not okay when it comes to a child's life, and clearly this child needs help. I hope and pray this child gets the help immediately.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 6:47 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Or fearful they will lose their Grandson

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:47 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • well im not an expert but i would just be honest with your family & that you are concerned about your nephew & his behavior & it would be great if he got help & some consuling goodluck mama i hope everything works out & that your nephew gets all the help he needs
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 6:59 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I wish I had an answer for you, but it's not my place to judge.. There may be reasons that you are not aware of..
    ObiRenKenobi

    Answer by ObiRenKenobi at 6:40 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Maybe finances, or they do not know where to go, or may even be embarrassed.

    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 6:46 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Thanks Ladies. Its hard to make a decision with this. His mother is really screwed up and his granparents(guardians) will do nothing. I dont want to get involved but I feel that I have to. Where do I start? My nephew is a good lier and even though a therapist can tell Im not sure if it can help. If CPS gets involved it will most likely do nothing. Theyre house is clean, meals on the table, clothes, ammentities. You name it. Is he just a lost cause? Im really beginning to think so
    Steph319

    Comment by Steph319 (original poster) at 7:04 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • The good thing is you are willing to step in and help this child. No child is ever a loss cause. Apparently his life has not been the perfect childhood, and the his issues are the results of what can happen. Just dealing with his mom being on drugs, and her being around cannot be easy for him. I would suggest trying to search in your state for some kind of help that he can go to. I would think you would need the help of the people who have custody of this child. If they are willing to allow you to take him for counseling or to get help that would be best. This child needs to feel that he can open up and talk to someone who he can trust. You have a good heart to want to help your nephew don't give up, he needs you.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 7:33 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • A boy wearing high heels is NOT a bad thing. How can you think that?
    CalebsMommy0220

    Answer by CalebsMommy0220 at 3:16 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • A boy wearing high heels is NOT a bad thing. How can you think that?


    Im not saying its bad. Im just wondering if the touching towards his other cousin plays a part in that. He has very feminine tendencies and I wasnt sure if it had to do with confusion or not. I dont have boys in my immediate family. So at 10 to wear high heels just doesnt make sense to me. He also wears purses and such. Just trying to see if it all ties together
    Steph319

    Comment by Steph319 (original poster) at 7:04 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

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