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6 yr old friends with very aggressive classmate...how to get him to see this is not a good friend

my six year old has become very fixated on a classmate who is not always nice, and can be rough. The other boy will play with my son when he feels like it, and otherwise tell him to go away. I have had them separated on the bus because the boy will be rough with my son ( eg., noogies, slapping), the final straw being he pushed my son's head repeatedly against the window. The teacher has also separated them in class. My biggest problem is that my son feels like that he has not done enough to make this boy like him, and that if he liked him more he would not hit him or would play with him. My son is well liked by all his other classmates, and has always made friends easily. For some reason he is fixated on having this single boy like him, even though he does not treat him nicely, and as a result my son seems sad, even a little depressed over it. This is only kindergarten!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (3)
  • you need to have a tallk about friends. Friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself, not bad. They shouldn´t hurt you.Also tell him that unfortunately, some kids don´t know HOW to be good friends... and that the only way to teach them is to NOT be their friends until they change. Ask him to give you names of a few kids he thinks are good friends. Then ask him if he knows of anyone that is not a good friend.
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 10:40 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I had a similar problem when my son was in kindergarten. The best advice I got was not to always talk about what a bad friend Pete was, but to acknowledge what my son liked about him and get him talking about the negatives. Usually the kids who are bullies are not always just mean - they draw other kids in by making their friendship seem like a prize. I kept talking to my son about the things about Pete that bothered him - that he would some days want to be friends & then the next day tell C that he couldn't sit with or play with him & other friends. I also talked to him about my own experiences with "friends" like these and with true friends who never made me feel bad or unwanted. Eventually my son was completely over Pete & started to avoid him. Of course as soon as C did that, Pete amazingly became much nicer to him. It was so hard to watch this all go on, but it is part of growing up. Hang in there mom!!

    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 6:38 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Thanks to both of you for the great advice. I have been trying to talk to him about what " good " friends" are. I'll keep at it with examples from my childhood and try to stop focusing so much on trying to talk about his classmate, and see if he can make the connection. "sweetpotato418" ... Your situation sounds just like my son's..My son definitely sees this boys friendship as some sort of prize he needs to earn. I'm glad to know that he will grow out of it and I will have to just have more patience. :)
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

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