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WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY MOTHER?

My mom is going to drive me nuts. All she wants to do is nag at me about my finace. She calls him dumbass and doesn't care that it bothers me. When my child is born I don't want them around her if she's going to "name call". Everytime I try talking to her about anything she makes me feel like crap. She always tells me I deserve better than my fiance and that I'll never have anything unless I leave him and find someone else. She always tells me how he can't do anything for himself. He makes more money than I do and he does what he can for me. What do I do, she's going to make me crazy!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Nov. 18, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Sometimes, unfortunately, we need to distance ourselves from our parents. While her perspective may be valid, she should also be respectful and supportive of your decision. There are some things that just need to be off-limits for you to discuss, and one should be him. While it's rude, if she starts up, you should hang up on her or leave the room/house/whatever. She'll either get the message or continue to be hurtful, but either way you won't have to listen to it anymore!
    KatieCrandall

    Answer by KatieCrandall at 3:12 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • She is your mom and therefore she is going to share her opinion. Remember that all she wants is your happiness. However, with that said, you need to tell her that this is the man you love. And you need to inform her that it is not ok for her to bad mouth your fiance. The old adage: if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Let her know how it makes you feel and if she can't respect that then your time with her will have to be limited. Let her know that although you respect her opinions, it is YOUR choice and she owes you the same respect.
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 3:12 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • I would just quit talking to her for a while, and then when you do talk to her, tell her that you haven't talked to her because of the way she's being. Let her know it hurts you and stresses you out and that you've made your choice, your fiance is part of your family now and if she is intent on tearing that apart, she's not welcome.
    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 3:16 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • I had the same problem,but with my dad. I just had to tell him how it is. I told him that my husband is a good man. He does what he is supposed to do and more. He's the father of my child and he isn't going anywhere.Either get with the program or butt out.If you have nothing nice to say then stay home and don't call. If that doesn't help I do not know what will. Good luck.
    Alize26

    Answer by Alize26 at 3:16 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Personally, I would stay away from her. And I'd tell her until you can start showing some respect to my husband then you won't see either of us or your grandbaby.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 3:19 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Is there any merit to what she is saying?

    I was struck by the phrase "he does what he can"....do you live with him? With her? Who is actually going to support this child?

    Unless she is a raving loony, your mother loves you and wants what is best. Is it possible she has gotten the wrong idea about your child's father from things you have said? If at all possible, I would try for a friendly and respectful tone and reassure that things are going well. Giving your mother the benefit of the doubt would be a good start.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:20 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Next time she tells you "You can do better" tell her that she's right...You can do better than to have someone so toxic in your life. Tell her that you refuse to be a part of her negativity and that you and your family will be happier without her. Always leave the door open if she wants to work on her behavior though.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 3:38 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • by "he does what he can" i mean he puts food on the table and helps with bills and what not. She expects him to get down on teh floor and kiss my feet if i want him to (she expects way to much). My fiance and I live together we both work full time, WE are supporting our child when he/she comes. I very rarely ever ask my parents for help and when I do I always make sure I pay them back or do what I can to make up for it. She just doesn't think he is good enough for me, I've tried talking to her about it, I've tried to have my dad talk to her about it. She just wants to control everything in my life and she's going over board. She even tells me I need to take his paychecks and spend them on bills or what I want. Which isn't fair to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • Make the topic of your fiancee off limits. Tell her if she mentions him you will leave (the room, the house). You're not engaging in that harrassment any more. She should get the hint pretty quickly. by the time your LO arrives she'll have learned to keep not nice things to herself.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 8:10 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

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