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Is it wrong if he did it on his own?

My ss is three years old and he's started calling me mommy. We did not coach him to do this. I was always referred to by my first name in front of him because his BM (while sporadically and just to use him to get money off her relatives around the holidays) is still around. She walked out on them two years ago and abused him before that. He has always called me Sara but one day, he came home from daycare where the kids were talking about their moms (they do small lessons for them on colors, shapes, family, etc.) and when I picked him up, I snapped him in his car seat and he said "Thank you, Mommy." I was shocked and I said "You never called me that before, sweety. What's different today?" Trying not to make a big deal and scare him, yaknow? and he said "We read a story about mommies today and the mommy in the story tucked the little boy in at bedtime and hugged him and made him a snack. My other mommy never does that. You do that. So That means you're my mommy. Right?" I didn't know what to tell him. My husband says he doesn't care since I've done more for him than his BM ever has (didn't even buy the kid a Christmas present! ):<) but if she finds out I know she'll raise hell about it and take us to court for pimary custody as she always does when she's upset about something and I don't want to cause a problem. But if he did it on his own, should I even be worried about it? Am I wrong to let him call me that?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Feb. 17, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • I´d say your son is a very sharp young man! He is right... you ARE his mommy. He certainly doesn´t see it as a matter of biology, but of love. Not only that, but if you ask him not to call you Mommie, he´ll think you are rejecting him, and that you don´t want to be his Mommy. I´d say let BM have a fit if she wants to!

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 11:26 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • I say let him call you mommy, he is right, youre the one that is his mommy day to day not his BM. If hubby has no problem then dont stress about it

    Answer by leksismommy at 11:28 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Aww, he loves you.

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 11:29 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • If you think she is going to give you a lot of problems over it than maybe help him come up with a name that means mommy to him but will not cause drama for you and your family. But no you did not do anything wrong if he started doing it uncoached.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 11:29 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • It's not something you've pushed for, and if he sees you as his mommy (no big surprise, it sounds like, from his BM), then let him call you what he feels is right. Love is more important than biology. It's sad he doesn't have the benefit of two wonderful moms, but at least he has you, and he sees that! If the BM raises hell, try not to worry, because you haven't done anything wrong, and it's her problem, not yours. You're clearly doing a great job with this little boy, which he deserves. If your DH is good with it and your SS is okay with it, then it's okay to accept it. Keel doing what you're doing, mommy!

    Answer by musicpisces at 11:46 PM on Feb. 17, 2011

  • Mommy is the sweetest words a child can ever say to you. The BM donated an egg and carried it , they she left and yet everyone is going to let her be called mom NOT, a mom is the one that kisses the booboos, makes sure kid is clean, tucks them in at night, and is there picking him up from school. You may have not carried him but you sure have stepped up, she may take you back to court but she will look like an a$$, any blind man can see you are Mom... now I think its time for you to keep the title Mommy!

    Answer by wyattgrace at 5:44 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I think he's figured it out.

    Answer by SweetLuci at 12:50 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • No don't worry about it. Like he said you are more of a mommie to him than his bio mom. Enjoy the new name.

    Answer by stitchintime at 9:07 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

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