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2 Bumps

Should I give my kids up?

I have been staying as a live in baby sitter with my DF. I am going through a divorce and my ex and I have two kids together. We are getting kicked out because DF hasnt been able to find a job. We were staying here in exchange for watching this guys kids. He leaves the house a mess and then complains because it is always a wreck blaiming it on us. He stays out all hours of the night and doesnt let us know, and to top it off he makes plans on his off days for us to watch his kids and doesnt tell us until he is walking out the door. None of this matters though, but I felt like I needed to get that out. DF is from Texas, and when I left my ex I had to stay in domestic violence shelters, my ex didnt beat me, there was a lot of emotional and sexual abuse going on, none in front of the kids, he is a good dad. I moved to Texas to get out of the shelters and then came back here (half way across the country) to go through divorce and try to work out custody agreement with him. DF has no family here and I have no family either having been in foster care. The only place for me to go is back to my ex. DF can go back to Texas, but I am not allowed to take the kids out of state, and I doubt my ex would give me written permission. I dont want to tell my ex that he can take the kids until I can move back here, and have it blow up in my face, but I wonder if maybe thats whats best for them right now. Should I do this? I am just so confused.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:41 AM on Feb. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • abuse is abuse... and there´s nothing like JUST emotional abuse. I wouldn{t leave the kids with your ex... try to find a different living arrangement. You don´t have family, but, what about friends?? Could you babysit/housesit for someone else??
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 12:46 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Go to a shelter. You can take your kids there and they will help you find a place.
    charliebean

    Answer by charliebean at 12:57 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I wouldn't leave the kids with him. Sure he was fine with them when you were around for him to take his aggression out on but when you are not there to filter him, he just might take it out on the kids. I wouldn't be able to live with that possibility. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's not a good situation and it's not your fault you are in it. You are strong for getting out. I wish I had a resource to pass on to you to help find a place to stay. Good luck.
    mrs.coop

    Answer by mrs.coop at 12:58 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I would say only youknow what is best for your kids but I also say that any abuse is wrong. He may have never done anything to the kids but he hurt and abused their mother no matter what kind. I say that it could go to ways to me it could work out and he gets them and lets you get them back when you are ready. Or he could fill their head with bad feeling for you. Cause if you think what he said to you and how he treated you didn't affect them you are wrong. Kids hear and see things we will never know about. You should keep that in mind cause if he did it to you then why would he not do it to the next women in his life. You don't want your kids to go throught that. I will be praying for you and your kids. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!
    LADYA1983

    Answer by LADYA1983 at 12:58 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I say no, because if you leave them, then how do you know he won't try and say you abandoned them and fight you in court.
    sondaughter312

    Answer by sondaughter312 at 1:02 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Sounds like you are in a very tough situation. I would not give my kids up. I would not leave them with the abusive ex. It might be just a matter of time before he abuses them. I am a firm believer in "where theres a will there is a way" Try going to a Church to see what help they can offer. A good Dad does not abuse his children's mother! There is a saying..."The most important thing a Father can do for his children is to respect their mother" I will pray for you and your children.
    Momxoxoxo

    Answer by Momxoxoxo at 1:03 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • do whatever you have to do to keep your kids safe.. go to a shelter or friends or family. just cus he never touched them doesnt mean he wont theres a first time for everything..good luck.
    kyiahsmommy

    Answer by kyiahsmommy at 1:05 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I wouldn't give up that easy. Your children are counting on you, they need you. If you leave them, the chances of getting them back anytime soon are slim to none. They will feel abandoned too.

    Why exactly is DF throwing in the towel and going back to TX, if you can't come with him? There has to be something he can do to stay with you?

    I agree that you should seek the help of a shelter or a church that might be able to find a safe place for you and your children. Don't give up for your children, who really love you and need you!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:31 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

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