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2 Bumps

I told my 3 year old to hit her back! Did I do the right thing?

This is pretty much a daily occurence at her preschool. This small, feisty 2 year old thinks it ok to go around hitting other kids. My DD who is 3 tells me everyday how this kid hits her at school. This morning, my DD broke down in hysteria when I dropped her off and she saw the 2 year old. She wouldnt let go of my hand and told me she wanted to go back home. She was scared of getting hit again. My DD absolutely loved school prior to this. Now she is crying and doesnt want to go to school. I have spoken to the teachers and all they say is that they are doing their best to teach this kid to use her hands to do other things other than hit kids. Well its not working! My baby is traumatized by this little girl.

Well on the way to school today, my DD started talking again about how she gets hit. So I have had it at this point. I tell her to hit her back and go tell her teacher. I do not want my kid to be bullied or be a victim. I have to teach her to defend herself. I do not care if anymore if that kid is only 2. She shouldnt be going around terrorizing my child. I didnt feel good telling my kid to hit her back, but at this point, I feel like that is the only thing that will work.

when I picked her up from school today, i asked her about it and she said, the kid hit her again today, and she hit her back on her shoulder and screamed "DONT HIT ME!!!!" and then went to tell her teacher. But its a preschool so the teacher was right there anyway. I felt good about it. My little girl is defending herself, finally! Maybe she wont be "bullied" again and would stop being afraid of school.

So am I alone on this? Did I do the right thing?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (13)
  • Hmmm, this is hard because I have never believed in the hitting back method but it seems like you did everything you could up to this point. Did you ever tell your daughter before now that if she hit her to tell the girl not to hit her again? It seems like the teachers should be doing a little more to stop this girl from hitting.

    Answer by ILoveCade at 1:27 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I understand your reasoning and think it was effective. My way of dealing with it would be to have my child tell the other one not to hit her and explain how she doesn't like it and it hurts. I would also ask the caregivers to make sure the two year old sees the reactions to the kids she hits to show her how it hurts other people. In my mind violence should always be a last defense and I'm sure you know that two year olds are learning and some need to see good examples instead of the same behavior they have.

    Answer by at 1:30 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Honestly, that child should have been dismissed if they cannot control the problem There has to be a policy about how many times they can violate the rules and the behavior code before they ae no lnger accepted back in the class. I know its a frustrating situation but I agree with what you did. Nobody wants to have to tell their child to hit another becuase we're afraid of where it will go but you have clearly exhausted other options short of removing her from the environment (and I know thats not easily done). There is a point where its no longer retaliation but self defense and I think you've reached that point.

    Answer by GoldenLinds at 1:31 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • How long has this been going on? I mean, if the appropriately punish the little girl she shouldn't be continuing to do this, IMO. Especially if it has been happening since the beginning of the school year (Sep.). It really does see, this was your last resort, which it should be. It sounds like you did the right thing. I mean, kids should have adults stopping this stuff from even happening not waiting for it to happen to do anything!

    Answer by ILoveCade at 1:34 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • No. But my DD tells her not to hit her. So I guess that didnt work. I spoke to the teachers and they said that my DD is not the only one this little girl hits. She hits EVERYONE. Its just my DD doesnt like pain. So she tells her not to hit her . But she never actually hits back. In fact we were at a play date the other day with another kid who pulled my DD hair and she told her right away, "please dont pull my hair!!" So yeah she is really outspoken about stuff like that..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:35 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Its been going on since the little girl started in Sept of 2010. And I think its only getting worse, not better. I do understand that she is a kid and is learning. However, the teachers are not doing enough. They actually defended the kid by saying she has a language barrier and is frustrated so she takes it out on the other kids. So they are still working on helping her overcome her frustrations.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:41 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I would have done the same thing..I don't believe in hitting back either but really there is only soo much you can do especially in a situation like this. Hopefully the baby will learn :/

    Answer by socalikim at 1:48 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I don't think it was the right thing to do because your dd is going to think its appropriate to hit now and it could get really ugly as she ages. Hitting back wont solve anything. An older child who his back will be sent home from school, regardless of who started it. Honestly, this child's parents need to be contacted at this point. She shouldn't be allowed to stay in preschool, or the teachers should be putting her in time-out. If these teachers wont do anything and the girl's parents wont then you need to find a new preschool.

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 1:55 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I understand you didn't feel you had any options but I don't know telling your child to hit back was okay. you are pretty much going back on what she has already say please stop. You should tell her to keep her distance and not play with this little girl. I would talk to the teachers about what their plan is to stop this from happening. I know some kids (especially who do not have many words) tend to lash out because of their frustrations but there are many tools a teacher can use to deal with it.

    Answer by dbodani at 2:24 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I don't know if you did the right thing or not, but I don't really see that you had another option left.

    At my son's preschool, that 2 year old would not be attending anymore if she behaved like that.

    "You should tell her to keep her distance and not play with this little girl."

    You know, that *is* a good idea. However, that little girl could have easily followed her daughter around and made it impossible for her to have any fun. I know. When I was in 3rd grade, there was a girl who bullied me all the time. I did my best to stay away from her, and she would follow me around the playground, hitting me and pushing me every chance she got.

    I can't remember why she stopped. I think her family moved to another school district.

    Answer by makelineerror at 8:27 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

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