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I really need some advice...

My precious daughter is almost 9 mos old, it goes by so fast! Well anyways, I have been feeling lately this feeling of regret like I could have done better at raising her. Even though i'm told im the best mom my friends have ever met. I mean i've takin care of all her needs and much more. We have learning time every day, and always plenty of cuddle time. I believe i'm a good momma, i think it all stems from having a druggy mom growing up who was rarely there for me the way I needed her to be. It has instilled such fear in me that I find myself wishing I could rewind and do everything perfectly with mine. I give her my best every day, how can I overcome this feeling im having due to my past??

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IzysMomma

Asked by IzysMomma at 1:33 AM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (373 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • That is sad. It is hard to be a good parent when you have not had a good role model to follow. You are very aware of these shortcomings and it sounds like you are very responsible and realistic.

    You should take a yoga class to help you relax.. it is okay to take some time for yourself too. You need to make a list of all the positive things you possess and the good things you do for your baby and hang it up on the wall where you can see it every day.

    And add a line that no parent is perfect no matter how hard they try! Release the guilt you have and the anxiety and just enjoy spending time with your own baby that you get to raise the way that YOU know is right! Make a list of all the things you want to do with your daughter as she gets older, or a list of all the things you enjoy doing with her now, the things you like about her...focus on the positive, good things to keep the shadows of doubt at bay. You are doing fine!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:43 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • just keep telling yourself that your not your mom and you are doing what you should be doing.. noone is perfect.. i know iam not and i have 3 yr old that tells me im not her friend anymore cus i tell her no.. just thank of it like your there no matter what your child needs.. and laugh it off
    kyiahsmommy

    Answer by kyiahsmommy at 1:43 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • For one, your job is far from over at raising her! And I'm sure you won't be perfect... no one is. The point is you're doing all you can to make sure your child is healthy, happy, and loved. And it sounds like you're doing all of those things. You are not your mother! And all you can do is strive to be the best mom you can be every day. Just let go of the rest!
    mollyj96

    Answer by mollyj96 at 2:39 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You will probably always have a fear in your head of turning out like your mom but that's good that you think like that in a way because it shos that you are aware of how you are parenting. Just keep doing the right things, you sound like an excellent mom!
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 3:01 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I was abused as a child and I set out to be the "perfect" parent too. My eldest is 20 now. and I found out that I could never be a perfect parent because I am not a perfect person. But I can be the best mom I can be and that was always more than enough. You are going to make mistakes. It is best to accept that. But as long as you give your all then you will do great.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:27 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You are doing your best and that is all you can do. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Just remember you do not want to overcompensate for what you feel you missed. You still will need to set limits and guide her with rules and discipline. Discipline is guidelines, not punishment. Remember there are is no perfect mother but there are a million ways to be a good mother. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:56 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • The fact that u are concerned about this at all, tells me u are doing a great job and will continue to due so. I wished a million times when I was a young mom that kids came with instructions. It's natural for a mom to have doubts and wonder if she's doing the right thing all the time. So just hang in there and do your best and all will be fine.
    solosmom84

    Answer by solosmom84 at 7:59 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • As long as she doesnt feel what you felt growing up you have done a wonderful job and i think it really comes down to when she gets a little older to actually have that conversation with her but what some parents do due which they should refrain from is trying to be their child's friend instead of parent. but as long as she never wants or needs for anything and you put that same faith and passion that you have now into rasing her and keep it like that there is nothing to fear.
    MJ42011

    Answer by MJ42011 at 8:31 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • same here except my mom was a drunk. she used to take me out to bars so she could meet men. i used to play the video games with the bouncers!!! You should just rely on what others see. people that are not in your shoes. that is what i have done. and also listen to the doctor! i dont know about your babys doctor but when mine asks questions i listen to his response because he generally says that is what i would do and that is great and reassuring things like that.
    newlife627

    Answer by newlife627 at 9:54 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Thank you all sooo much for your responses, they made me cry in a good way. I will just keep doing what I'm doing and being the best I can be for my little girl. I really needed to get that off my chest and everything that was said was such a big help in both reasurring myself that I am a good momma, and a lesson in learning to let go. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to help me out. :)
    Hugs to everyone!!
    IzysMomma

    Comment by IzysMomma (original poster) at 10:38 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

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