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Big time behavior problems...

My bf's 6 yr old daughter is having major behavior issues, she has to get her way and when we make her listen and do what she is suppose to or told to do she refuses and tries to punish us by her drinking out of the toilet at night when everyone is asleep (which we started locking the bathroom door, she broke that and continued drinking the toilet water, we put a key lock knob on the door and she started really acting out, refusing to go to the bathroom, and peeing in the heat vent in her bedroom, until we took her bedroom away cuz she pooped in her room and hid it like we would never find it), getting in the refrigerator at night and making a mess, she ignores me all the time, refuses to listen, I am also the babysitter for them while dad goes to work, when her dad asks her why she did what she did or even tries to punish her, all she does is stand there and proudly smurk that she did it. She don't care, at school her teacher will let her sleep all day long instead of making her listen cuz her teacher can't handle her behavior when she tries to make her listen. She is mean to other children in school. We have tried everything, she lost all her toys in this process, recently lost her bedroom and now she has started peeing in the heat vent in the living room. Is there boot camp for children this age??? We are at our whits end with her, we don't know what else to do, please someone HELP us...

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Feb. 18, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (11)
  • Either she or you are OVERBOAED!!!!

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:37 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • She is screaming for attention!! I would see a family, behavioral therapist. hth

    Answer by liteofmine71 at 9:38 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I agree with a therapist, this is beyond normal behavior for her age.

    Answer by older at 9:42 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • well that's part of her problem (sleeping all day) right there. Dad needs to demand she remains awake (so she'll not be awake at night), and request some testing to get her on an IEP at school. I would also take her to the doctor and tell them whatever tests they need to do to find out if there is a mental or chemical imbalance, don't just go for meds, do testing to determine if there's any underlying issues contributing to her behavior. Get her into family counseling (not alone, i think counselors tend to jump on the abuse wagon to readilly..with the famliy so you all can work it out together), and i would lay down some serious house rules, take away all privliages like tv/games unless she behaives. When she makes a "mess" make her clean it up and scrub it, maybe the hard work will make her think twice? Toilet water drinking? Wow, that's a stumper.

    Answer by boobarandbell at 9:43 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Wow this is way beyond normal for this age. I would be contacting a therapist and doctor and also the school. Allowing her to sleep all day at school is NOT appropriate and may be contributing to the issues at home since she is likely not tired at night. She may have chemical imbalance. You also don't mention the mother and without knowing that situation it is difficult to know, but if she sees her mom could there be abuse there or at the least mom is allowing her to get away with this behavior and trying to correct it in one house and not the other is difficult at this age.

    Answer by aeneva at 9:48 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • boobarandbell, therapy has been thought about and tried, all she does is lie saying her dad hits her, there is no signs of abuse, they have been out here and checked and saw nothing, so she just lies to try to get him in trouble, we keep telling her if she keeps lying on her daddy like she is then all that will happen is they will take you away and put u in the home with strangers and they will not let you see or talk to daddy ever again, the strangers could be really mean to her, she don't care still. Her dad has demanded the school keep her awake and the teacher just says that she would rather her sleep and not cause the disturbance she does in class when she makes her stay awake so the teacher gives her her way. We took all privileges away already, she is not allowed tv, toys, friends, games, or anything fun until she earns it by behaving and she only gets worse. I make her clean up any mess she makes.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:50 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • They hardly ever see mom, mom dropped them off with dad almost 2 yrs ago said here's your kids, I am moving out of state. She has seen them a few times, Christmas was the last time they saw her. Mom was and is a big issue in their behavior I believe cuz mom let them sit in front of tv all the time, tv was the babysitter and they could do whatever they wanted and eat anything they wanted. No discipline, now she is getting all the rules and not liking it, she has it in her head that if she acts out bad here, dad will give her back to mommy and she can get away with anything she wants again. We keep telling her that is not going to happen and that is when she started lying, thinking the state will take her away and give her to her mom, again we tell her that won't happen. (the state told mom about 2 yrs ago to give them to the dad or they become wards of the state) We NEVER talk bad about their mom in front of kids either.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:56 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You're going to have to start going to school with her. You need to sit in the classroom and keep her on track. If you don't work outside of the home then you're going to have to make it a point to be there for her 24/7 literally. She's acting out for attention. If she can figure out to pee in a heat vent, then she knows right from wrong.. She knows it pisses you off, and it's working. You will need to make a set schedule for her, make a behavior chart, and tell her if she does well then her GOOD behavior will be rewarded. There has to be some middle ground or she's never going to want to do better because there's no encouragement to do so.
    Example: Get up Monday morning, get her ready, go to school with her, spend the day with her there, sit by her, eat with her, etc. Do this everyday until she realizes that if she continues to improve then you will let her go on her own... You have to be consistent.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:06 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • MrsLeftlane, have not tried the going to school with her, didn't think of it. Will bring that up with dad, it is ultimately his call, she is not my child so I can't make that decision but we have tried the behavior charts, it don't work, she is good just long enough to get one reward and then she is even worse than she was before, so we both agreed that no more rewards for her until she is behaved a lot longer than she has been before. We can't figure out why she refuses to learn. It is like she wants to remain dumb and do what ever she wants when she wants to do it. We have threatened to take her out of school and NEVER let her go back, home school her from now on but then we aren't really sure about that cuz it costs too much I think, I am looking into that as I am on here today. As far as middle ground what else can u suggest, rewards don't work she act 100 times worse when she gets one no matter how little it is.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:13 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I hope this won't offend you, but have you ever thought of maybe seeking professional counseling? She may need to see someone because I teach preschoolers and kindergartners part time, and I never heard of this. Look in your phone book and try to find pediatric adolescents counselors and explain to them what this child is doing.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 12:46 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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