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5 Bumps

Why do i do it?

I was talking to my husband last night. And he had his arms around me. He had asked me to share my thoughts with him. I was telling him how much it hurts me that he's always saying that he can't stand me. I was crying. He grabbed me really tight and yelled loudly in my ear that he wouldn't say stuff like that if I was just happier. I'm not happy as he is rude to me all the time. He yelled so loud that my ear was ringing afterwards. I know that I should just walk away but why the hell is it so hard? I have never had someone be so cruel to me and I just allow it. What is wrong with me? I am such a strong person and so independant yet I tolerate this. I know I could walk away and I would not be sad to live alone but I would be sad for him and our kids. Why do I put him ahead of me when he treats me so badly?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Love makes you do stupid things, but you should never allow it and maybe giving him a bit of his own medicine might get the point across!
    older

    Answer by older at 10:11 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You need to see a counselor and explore why you put up with this and maybe then transition to bringing him with you so you can let him know how much it hurts you when he acts the way he does. It sounds like such a mixed message that he wants you to be happy and had his arm around you, but then screams in your ear! There's nothing WRONG with you, but you do need to work on your self esteem and find a safe calm way to tell him you won't tolerate this and you feel badly and are going to be working on being happier but that will entail not accepting cruel behavior, remember to use *I* statements so he doesn't get on the defensive and don't bring anything up in a fight but find a calm time just in bed the two of you or over coffee in public. Good luck honey.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:13 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You sound like you need to see your dr and a therapist sweetie. Don't make any rash decisions, until you feel stable enough to do so. If he's hurting you, call 1-800-799-safe. I'm sure they can even help you take steps to feel more empowered & figure out what you need to do. Hth. Btdt. Xo
    liteofmine71

    Answer by liteofmine71 at 10:15 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You teach people how to treat you... So if you put up with it then he thinks it's okay to do it.. You need to search your heart and look into the future. If you know he's not going to change, and you want a truly happy life, then you know what to do.. If you aren't happy, then how can your kids be? They will learn the same behavior, and then what have you really done for them? I know it's a big step, and I'm not telling you to do anything, but I am telling you to think about it all...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:16 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • He's breaking you down, that is why it's so hard. When someone makes you feel like shit, you lose confidence in yourself & it's harder to be strong & make wise decisions for yourself. He has you in his palm, that's why he treats you like shit. It's a way he can control you.

    I'm not sure how bad it gets in your relationship, maybe he's not as bad as this post makes him seem, but i was in similar shoes once. He made me feel so bad about myself that i had no strength to leave. Leaving seemed impossible. But, i saw an open window one day & flew through it as fast as i could. I felt like god threw me a bone. I now have confidence back & treat myself like the queen i am.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:17 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Just do it! Unless you want to waste your years being miserable.
    HKing01

    Answer by HKing01 at 10:25 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I got fed up with how my ex husband treated me and our son and even while I was divorcing him, I was still caring about hurting HIM and his emotions and stuff. I finally snapped out of it and remembered what a shit he was to us and we are happier now that he's not in the house anymore. We're divorced and he has a better relationship with our son NOW.

    Women do things like that out of caring, love, sometimes fear. Work on what will be best for you and your child/ren.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:28 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • My husband is a yeller, it drives me crazy,, and I started Yelling right back at him,, not when DS was around, he doesn't do it all the time, so the first time I walked up in his face and started yelling at him, his eyes about popped out of his head, he was so taken aback, he didn't know what to say,,needless to say, he has cooled his jets a bit, after I told him how it made me feel, I agree that maybe you need to talk to someone,, it is hard to get from you question, if you might be depressed, and ultra-sensitive,,,if he is a raging jerk,, I wouldn't put up with it, if he his arms around you, the two of you must share good moments as well, huggles to you and good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:43 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • you seriously need to decide what you are doing because sooner or later there will be nothing left of you, trust me i hate men like that so much was in one of those and got the BLEEP out!
    Amanda11810

    Answer by Amanda11810 at 3:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • That our mistake (women) putting the man before us...don't do that he will never change and as long as you let him treat you that way he will continue to do so.
    Tell him not to yell at you and talk like he got some sense and if he can't then dont' talk to you at all, stand up to him and if he wants to walk let him beleive me he will be back but don't settle for less than your worth. Good luck
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:29 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

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