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2 Bumps

Can you really love your parents even if they never had an emotional connection with you?

I know that this question might come across as a bit harsh, however, I'm looking for some honest thoughts on this without rude comments because this is a serious question. I don't love my parents because they didn't show me that they loved me when I was growing up and I used to be crazy about my mom when I was little. I believed every word that she said and as I got older, I realized how manipulative and deceitful she was.

My mom is getting older and her heatlh is not too bad, but it isn't like it used to be. I feel that I am expected to look after her now that she has decided to follow me out of state, even though I never told her to move out of town because I did. I have my own life and child to take care of and I don't feel that it is my job to take care of her when she was a neglectful parent to me.

For the moms on here who had bad parents, can you honestly say that you love your parents?

 
cocobrown28

Asked by cocobrown28 at 10:45 AM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,128 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I can't honestly say I feel emotionally connected to my alcoholic father who was not there for me. I love him to some degree I suppose but I would NOT take care of him in old age as he would damage my own family and my own well being if he were a part of things. He lives alone and doesn't contact people so he could pass and be one those bloated dead for a week bodies no one knows about it until it stinks. Sounds harsh, but its true. It happened to a lifelong friend of his whose family was always close with ours. I remember telling the man's daughter at the funeral how sad I was for her, but I knew she was experiencing what I was sure to someday myself with my dad. I don't think I will be shook up over it as he chose his own path and chose not to be there for me and to let his own life deteriorate.

    I also don't love my in laws and will not care of them either. They were NOT good parents to my husband growing up and my husband
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:53 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • There are people out there who are narcissists (love only themselves) then there are sociopaths who are not capable of loving others. Both of those conditions were probably caused by something that happened to them by their parents or guardians. Please don't hold that against them. It's not like they asked to be that way. Love them in spite of themselves. You don't have to like how they treated you (their behavior) but love the person.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:47 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I have to agree with the first poster... and I've come across both Narcissists and Sociopaths... ~*Sigh*~

    However, I had to come to a point in my life where you count the positive and negatives, and if they bring nothing positive to your life... why are you holding on?!?! And sadly people like that attract their own kind so it is like cuting off a limb... because I personally had to cut off the entire branch!
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 11:16 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I can say I love my dad because my mom had it where he couldn't keep in touch when we were kids. she always told me I wasn't loved by him. and there was some things that happened when I was little so i believed her. My dad and I started talking last year . I have forgiven him and i can say I love him. He calls to check on me and my little one. My mom on the other hand is a different story I don't hate her I just like the choices she has made or what she has put me through all of my life
    princesschilly

    Answer by princesschilly at 11:22 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I cannot fathom giving her church money but letting her own family live in squalor. I can't imagine G-d would be proud of that either.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 12:08 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • has significant issues that impact his life still and in particular our marriage that I blame them for. They however are interested in our lives and are close to my children where my father is not.

    I don't think blood or relatives by marriage equates an obligation to love someone.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:54 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Jamesonjustines, I think that you are a sweet person and you speak the truth. The thing that kills me about my mom is that she had good parents who took care of her, and she wasn't neglected either. She claims that although they took good care of her, that they didn't show that much affection towards her. I can understand that to a certain degree, but that wasn't a good excuse to give all her money to the church and allow our water to get turned off and let your kids live without running water for 5 months. Just imagine the toilets in the house.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 10:59 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • MommaClark, you're right, why am I holding on to relationships that aren't good for me? I guess I've been holding on simpy because they are my family, but that doesn't matter anymore because I can't change anyone but myself, and holding on is just a waste of time and energy.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 11:19 AM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • She justified it by saying that she had to obey God, whatever. I've had to deal with a lot more things in my childhood and life that has caused me a great deal of pain and I feel like I can't move on with my life until I eliminate toxicity from it.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 12:26 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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