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"Spanking" kids

My husband spanks our kids and I do not. I hate it when he does it and no matter how many times I ask him, tell him or yell at him to stop he won't do it. I feel like the older they get the more often they get spanked or pinched. He doesn't beat them but I can't stand that he inflicts any kind of pain. Is there any legal action I can take to get my husband to stop spanking our kids?

Just to give a little more info, we did discuss this before having kids.  He said he would spank them but the more he heard how against it I was the more he realized how bad it is to inflict pain on your own kid.  So I thought we were on the same page.  But he started spanking about 2 years ago and it just seems to be more and more often.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • I called cps on my now ex husband. Me calling cps isnt what caused our divorce btw. He was a cheater. Anyway I called them and they told him he could only spank them on the bottom with an open hand, and went over a list of acceptable punishments and what was not acceptable. It scared him enough to stop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • he shouldn't be pinching them, I see why it upsets you, explain to him that it can get him in trouble if he doesn't stop and if that doesn't work then call cps. hugs momma! I understand what you mean about inflicting pain Imo it isn't teaching a child anything but hurting is ok!!
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 12:31 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I guess what anon said would be your only solution, it sounds like...it's too bad that you guys can't be on the same page with this...that makes for very confused kids...Is there by any chance a reason to believe that he's not doing anything more as far as physical punishment when you're around??? the pinching thing really disturbs me. Your kids are your number one priority, not your husband...I would take whatever actions I needed to.
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 12:32 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Study up, there is so much research done that proves that spanking has such a terrible outcome on kids, that it can sometimes be considered child abuse. Show him what you find, maybe he just needs a wake up call. And pinching? that IS child abuse! If he did something wrong, should he get spanked or pinched for it? NO, If research doesnt work, talk to your local womens center or DHS office and see what they can do for you.
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 12:35 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • depending on where you are. in texas your legally able to spank your kids on the butt. no where else though and it cant leave marks. tell him that he needs to stop or you'll leave until he learns alternative methods to disapline.
    dreamangel06

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 12:36 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I am on your side . . . Even though you can't be thrown in jail for spanking, it is still violence, and is unacceptable. Can you get him to go to a counseling session with you with a child specialist? They will be able to explain this to him in a non-judgemental way. There is so much research that proves that spanking only teaches children fear and violence.
    And the pinching . . . . yes, that is abuse.
    Don't let this slide. Your kids have only once chance at being parented, and it is 50 percent your job to make sure that they are given the best shot at it as possible.
    The best way to save the marriage, though, is to find a counselor who specializes in children to teach him about discipline (don't tell him that part, though) . . . just say that you would like to go to a 3rd party to help you guys reach a consensus on discipline. If he refuses to go, then call CPS and talk with a counselor there . .
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:45 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • This is something that should have been talked about before the kids came into this world. It is a little too late now to be disagreeing about something this serious. I do use spanking for discipline, pinching however is a bit extreme.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • In my experience... I am an adult that grew up, looks back on my child hood, and says I should have been spanked for some of the stuff I pulled. Spanking is a smack on the butt...NO WHERE ELSE. There is nothing wrong with spanking if done correctly. The child has to know what he/she is being spanked for, after the spanking they need to know that you love them. We are talking spanking not beating, if parents aren't smart enough to know the difference they shouldn't have a physical punishment. I agree with Anon though, you should have talked about it before you had children. If it bothers you that much, then I would say take the kids and go. It sounds like you have already tried to talk to him, IMO calling CPS is ridiculous considering you have let it continue. This is a hard situation, I wish you the best of luck. It's not going to be easy no matter what you choose.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 1:08 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I suggest for the sake of your kids to suggest some anger management class, explain to him there are better ways of disciplining a child than fear, if they stop their behavior out of fear, they are not learning why the behavior is wrong, but instead are been traumatized specially since you yell for him to stop, and it becomes a family drama scene not healthy for anyone involved.

    older

    Answer by older at 1:33 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I hate to say it..but without professional help, he is not going to stop. I agree about it should've been discussed before having kids.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 1:41 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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