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2 Bumps

Am I being unfair?

My s/o and I had an argument yesterday evening. He has an adult daughter with 3 children that I love dearly( especially the oldest) that are 2, 41/2, and 7. My s/o has a very kind heart and will go out of his way to help her even initiating my help (without my knowledge) for babysitting them when the babysitter she's paying to sit for her decides that she doesn't feel like doing her job that day. Although I don't have problem helping out, I just would like to be asked. I think that if my step-daughter can call her father on the telephone and ask him, it's just as easy to pick up the telephone and ask me considering that I am the one doing the sitting. She and I have a really good relationship and I keep the oldest child ( that's my chill child) all the time and have done so since she was born, the other two I'm not as close to. But I just want to be asked first. My s/o and I have been together for almost 30 years ( April 27th is our anniversary) and have 2 children together. I have one from a previous marriage and he all total he has 5 the oldest starting at 28 ( that's the oldest-but hat another story for another time) , my oldest is almost 33 and was raised by my s/o. Anyway I voiced my dislike yesterday evening which ended up in a heated argument and now the silent treatment from him as if I've being unfair and totally wrong and had the nerve to try to turn the tables on me and make it sound like I don't want the children here, completely making it out to be something totally different. I am just so angry at him because we've had this conversation before and he still doesn't get why I am so upset. Now you tell me am I being unfair? Is it so wrong that I want the courtesy of being asked first by my step-daughter instead of her asking her father considering that I am the one that actually watches the kids?

Answer Question
 
debnich501960

Asked by debnich501960 at 1:07 PM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 12 (861 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • You are right. Just talk to his daughter, and tell her YOU actually watch the kids, YOU have a life and need to be asked before assuming that you will watch her kids. She may feel uncomfortable asking you, so she asks her father. I'm sure if you talk to her, she will understand.
    sunshineemommy

    Answer by sunshineemommy at 1:10 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You should be asked! What if you have plans he doesn't know about / remember? It's unfair for her to ask him for you to watch the kids.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 1:11 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • No, you are not being unfair. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to make plans for him without asking. I think that's a very fair request that you have made!
    KennsWifey

    Answer by KennsWifey at 1:11 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • not at all, I would want to be asked to. nothing wrong with expecting a little respect & courtesy.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 1:13 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • talk to your daughter, maybe she asks Dad because she feels if you want to say no, it'll be easier for you to say no to dad than to her (little does she know you are not being asked!)
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 1:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I would expect to be asked. My mom got mad at me because I sent out an email telling my brides maids to either meet me at my house or my moms for our hair to be done. It was an honest mistake and after explaining to my mom she got over it. My grandmother told me the girl doing my hair was going to my moms. I assumed my grandmother asked my mother before hand. I was wrong. How does he know you dont have other plans for the day and is just offering you up without asking.
    mrssmitley1210

    Answer by mrssmitley1210 at 1:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • No, you should be consulted before being committed to babysitting. Would you volunteer him to help a friend move without asking him first? How would he feel if you did that? I would speak to the daughter and just nicely ask her to call you when she needs a sitter, let her know that Dad is giving her the ok without being sure you are available and that you don't want her to be counting on you when you might have other plans. If you have never asked her this directly then make sure not to give her an attitude about it, afterall she is not the one you are really mad at and if she had no idea there was an issue then she didn't know what she was doing was bothering you. As for your SO, ask him how he would feel if you committed him to things without asking. It isn't about you not wanting to do it, or not lovingh is daughter or her kids, it's just that nobody wants to be taken for granted and everybody likes to be asked first. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • you said it yourself- he's agreeing to it without you even knowing, so forget him and go straight to her. i you want, even explain to her that you brought it up to him and he got upset about it, and tell her what her thought you meant (about not wanting them there), just in case he tries to tell her something like that and the situation spirals out of control. he's obviously not a very good middle man so just go directly to the source.
    Mrs.L.Mita

    Answer by Mrs.L.Mita at 1:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Not unfair on your part. I think it's unfair on her part. Talk with her and just tell her to eliminate the middle man and to feel freely to come directly to you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:20 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Well I think your problem is with you s/o, he needs to be asking you before you babysit. I would call your SD and just ask her that if she needs a sitter to please call you because you are the one watching them. Make sure she knows you don't mind at all, you would just like to be asked since you are the one watching them
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 1:25 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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