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6 Bumps

Am I right that you can't take from you first kids just because you have more?

I have 3 children with my ex husband 7, 9 and 12. They are all in activities that cost a total of $590 a month for all three of them. My ex makes about $6,250 per month and was ordred to pay a total of $2085 for child support plus 75% of the activities and $545 for alimony (this is the standard order). This totals almost $3100 a month. Now he has gotten remarried and his new wife is pregnant (she doesn't work). He says that they can't afford to keep paying this amount of child support and alimony. Because he is paying the standard order, the court won't decrease the order unless I agree to it. I am a teacher but my hours have gotten cut, I now only work 2 days a week and I share a class with another teacher, I hardly make any money, about $1850 a month and there is a hiring freeze for teachers in my area so I can't get another job. Am I wrong that I feel like he needs to take care of the children he already has before he has more? I mean, he was the one who chose to get married to someone who doesn't work and to have another child, why should my children suffer because of his choices?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (56)
  • He isn't allowed to move on and have a life and family with someone else and be happy?

    Either way, he needs to keep his legal obligation to you.

    Answer by CraftingMama at 2:00 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • He is still required to pay what the court has ordered. If he doesn't like it, he should submit his financials for a review or ask for a raise.

    Answer by silversmom at 2:01 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Wow, this is a hard one. I can see both sides. Maybe it is because I just had child support reduced from $500 a month ot $160 a month. I agreed to it.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 2:01 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • But then, why should the other child suffer either? That child didn't ask to be born.

    Yes, dad should care for his kids. But I don't think his request is out of line; he is paying you 50% of his income, according to your figures, and that's a HUGE chunk.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:03 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • No they will not take your childrens child support so he can go have more. Unless he has a dramatic decrease in his income by losing a job or getting one that dosent pay as much and he petitions the court to have it reduced but having another child is not an excuse!

    Answer by okmommy08 at 2:03 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • dont feel bad make him pay it. If he is worried about money he should have thought about that before he had another child

    Answer by his88angel at 2:04 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Of course he is allowed to move on but he needs to care for the children he already has before he has more. They knew how much he was ordered to pay before they got married and she got pregnant. I work, why should he get to pay less so that his wife can stay home with their children while I have to work?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:04 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • No. You are not wrong. Your kids came first. The child support was set before the pregnancy.
    What he does inn his bedroom is NONE of your business, and that includes the consequences that come with it, like a baby. She knew (im assuming) about the alimony and child support before she got pregnant. Just tell them that it's the standard order, and that he should have thought about all of his finances before deciding to have another child. It's HIS problem, not yours. You don't need to sacrifice anything for that child. And especially since you really need that money right now, with the job situation.
    Just tell him bluntly that you will not be agreeing to less than what it is now. Period.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 2:05 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • sounds like prego should find a job if he can't afford this new kid, it's her kid too after all. he made the decision to have 4 kids. he needs to take care of all of them.

    Answer by momofone725 at 2:05 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • He wanted to move on and now he is making another life with another women and that's his choice but i wouldn't agree to lowering child support or alimony. Its what the courts said and that's whats its gotta be. I don't think your children should come second at all. He needs to learn they all need to be treated equal. Maybe its time for his new wife to get a job or he can always get a part time job. Either way this was HIS choice and it has nothing to do with you or your children, so IMO he has a lot of nerve to ask you to do him this favor.


    Answer by Christieluv0614 at 2:07 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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