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Need some advice!!!

so i recently found out i am expecting my 3rd baby which would mak them all 2 years apart. well i talked to my big sister the other day and she informed me that he is mad at me about it.
she has a 7 year old who was born premature because of her hyperthyroidism. which has been corrected. and even though she has to plan it she CAN have more children.

well she said to me that it isnt fair that her son was born with so many problems and that we are just "popping them out like M&Ms" which isnt the case i wasnt excpeting this one just a beautiful surprise. i just dont know what to say to her. if she wants more all she has to do is go to the dr and stop her bc but she wants to attack me instead of being happy for me like anyother big sister would. i just dont know what to do i dont understand it i would NEVER had said anything like that to her i justthink it mas mean and hurtful. all my kids are 2 years apart in age and they are VERY well taken care of. my husband say to ignore it but i just cant it is eating away at me how my own sister can be so cruel. what should i do?

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brittanybell

Asked by brittanybell at 4:17 PM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (484 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Just tell her, like I did my sister, that if she can't be happy for you then butt out. My ENTIRE family will be disappointed when they find out that I'm pregnant. But I don't care because my children will be well taken care of AND DH and I are happy. So I plan to tell them all the same thing. Sad that people have to suck all the joy out of a wonderful thing...
    Serenity_Angel

    Answer by Serenity_Angel at 4:21 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Just ignore her. If she can't be happy for you then she doesn't deserve to be around you and make you feel bad. This is YOUR happy time. If she wants more kids then she can try and do it.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:23 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You know exactly where her comments are coming from and that it really has nothing to do with you so I say ignore it.

    I had a child born with special needs and I know how at times it can make you resentful towards people who don't have to deal with the complications and seemed to be blessed with the "simple" life you wanted. Try to be understanding but you certainly don't need to take crap for something you can't control.

    I'm sure she is happy for you when it comes down to it
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 4:30 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I would guess that the one she really mad at is herself and she's projecting it onto you. A lot of women who had (have) those kinds of issues feel -defective- for lack of a better word and the fact that things are so easy for you probably makes her feel worse. She's jealous and is taking it out on you. Just ignore her.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 4:31 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • It sounds like your BIG Sister is being jealous. It's normal for a jealous family member or friend to make a rude comment like that. She may have not realized what she really said other then she is basing your 3rd pregnancy off of her emotional feelings. It's not you that it is bothering her. It's her personally wishing that she could have just had another child without it being so challenging.

    Just support her with her emotions. Tell her that your husband and you are very excited about your 3rd surprise and that it's the Lords way of wanting you to have another. And that she too, someday will have more children when her time is right for her and the family.

    I bet she is just feeling emotional though. She see's that you have 3 beautiful children all 2 yrs apart and that she has 1 and has gone through a hard time with him, and that she wishes it was as easy for her as you. Don't take it too personal.

    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 5:08 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I went through a similar situation like this but with a best friend of mine. After I had my daughter she never came around much. She stopped talking to me, ignored my phone calls and everything. So I backed off and figured it was her being busy or something. Finally one day she came to my parents house when I was in town visiting and she asked me to be her maid of honor, she emails me a lot more often now but hasmoved farther away. I know she wants kids and may never be able to. So for her to be able to get over the fact she may never have them she needed her own space to overcome those personal feelings. I hope this helps for you. I bet your sister is actually happy for you deep down. She's probably even picking out cute clothes for the new baby and waiting patiently to meet the new one. :) Good luck!
    Hesmynavyman

    Answer by Hesmynavyman at 5:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • She sounds like my older sister. Our older boys are 5 months apart. and same with our yougest kids are 5 month apart but she had a girl and I had an other boy.
    Before I had my youngest I miscarried. So really if I hadn't lost that one mine would have been older then hers.
    All the time her and her boyfriend ask me and my S/O if it's a for sure thing that we can't have more cause they dont' want to have to share any other pregnancy with us. Like we planned it !!!! Yeah right. The last time it was asked I told them to go F themself.
    Sorry went into my own rant

    Just be happy with your pregnacny. She may or may not come around to being happy for you.
    red_head_mommy2

    Answer by red_head_mommy2 at 5:46 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • In your place, I'd pity her, because of her apparent maladaptive coping mechanisms and sad situation.
    I have a similar situation, thankfully with a more distant relation than a sister. It seems that I can get knocked up by using my husband's toothbrush, at the ripe old age of 41, yet my poor much younger cousin has had to endure endless fertility treatments with tragically unproductive results. When we told the family about Super-Suprise Baby #3, she actually began bellowing obscenties in my general direction. I have no idea what she must be feeling, I know she's having a lot of emotional pain and this must be awful for her. I went and hugged her, she cried and cried. I know your feelings are hurt, but imagine how your sister must feel about her situation, maybe she has guilty feelings she hasn't worked through. Be the bigger person and reach out to her.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 6:47 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • It sounds like she may have ppd, but I've never heard of anyone having the depression after 7 years. Would it be possible for you guys to speak with a family counselor? That way, there could be a def non-biased voice and an outsider, maybe they could help her see that she's being a bit jealous. I think she's resentful of you because not mothering but just having babies seems to be so easy for you when she has to be so careful about it. I hope for the best for both of you. Take care.
    JBsMommy402

    Answer by JBsMommy402 at 8:22 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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