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2 Bumps

What leads to divorce?

My husband thinks that I'm spending too much time with our kids. He starting to come home late now, and we're starting starting to rip away. He says that he regrets having children, and having two already, we should put up our third one for adoption. The idea horrifies me. Our third baby is coming in just four weeks. Im thinking about seperating or...adoption. What do you think?

 
mannyperry

Asked by mannyperry at 8:11 PM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (200 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Mousuke has some good advice, but girl, you should make sure that you have some time for you too because otherwise trying to care for him isn't going to work. And don't let him bully you with that adoption threat. That, in my opinion, is unreasonable, and he needs to know immediately that you don't tolerate that comment, you won't give up your kid, and you are not going to change your mind on that issue. For me, that would be a deal breaker. I asked my husband what he'd do if I ever said that to him and he said the same thing I said basically...it'd be a deal breaker for him too.

    Again I'll go back to the family members question, because if you have someone who is family (or trusted friend) that you can ask to watch your kids for a night, that will give you two some time together alone...which you do obviously need.

    ladymomtraveler

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 8:27 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Don't u dare give up them children,they are a gift from God but, Men are a dime a dozen. If, he doesn't even love his own children let him GO!
    pswiley

    Answer by pswiley at 8:14 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • The first answer that came to mind when I read the title of your thread (but before reading the context) was: "Forgetting to put the marriage first leads to divorce." Having read your scenario, it sounds like I was pretty spot-on....


    I'm not saying that he's not being unreasonable, and I don't know your whole situation, but try to make more time for just the two of you. Focus on your marriage and remember the loving couple you were before kids came along. Go on dates more often. Have sex more often. Give the kids to a family member for the weekend. Ask him what he needs from you and discuss your own needs in return. Organize family activities that include the WHOLE family, not just the kids.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 8:18 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • You're thinking about adoption? Huh?

    Why don't you find a sitter a few times a month and give your husband more attention. Take advantage of any free moment to be with him. He's spelling it plainly; he NEEDS more attention.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 8:24 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I agree with Orionsgirl as far as just hiring a babysitter once in awhile. Adoption should not be an option. You will regret it and your children now will hate you for it later. They will always wonder if you could have given them up as well. And your DH is being a spoiled little baby not a man. If he was man enough to stick it in you, he should be man enough to keep his child.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 8:27 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Do you have a family member you could visit for a few weeks? Personally, I think I'd be pissed if my husband did that, and I'd take the opportunity to go on an extended vacation. I think he'd come around after the first day or two after I left, and be missing me terribly. I'd wait until he was begging for days for me to come back...but maybe that's a bit harsh. I don't know. I've never been in that exact situation. But I can tell you for sure, I would NOT adopt my kid out just because my husband was having an elongated temper tantrum.
    ladymomtraveler

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 8:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • the thing is tho, I do spend enough time with him.. My adopted daughter is 17 and takes care of my 3 year old. We go out to dinne1 movies, or anything by ourselves once or twice a week. If I ask him what more he needs he gets mad at me and tells me to "figure it out" it feels as if he doesnt love me anymore.
    mannyperry

    Comment by mannyperry (original poster) at 8:34 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Some parents do spend too much time wrapped up in their children and forget to put time into their marriage. Remember investing into your spouse and having a happy marriage is an investment into your children because they benefit from growing up in a healthy functional environment.

    BUT all that aside if he regrets having children so much that he wants to give up the one you have on the way then it sounds like he is the one with his priorities all messed up. Do not give up your baby you will regret it and resent him!
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 8:40 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Why not take some time out every day just to spend with him? Make an extra effort to show him you love him too, and I'll bet it will change his mind. He will be your husband long after the kids are grown so you need to keep building that apart from your kids.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 9:15 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • honestly hun i think you should seek divorce or a separation period..a marriage is about building each other up not breaking each other down..
    bobbys4eva

    Answer by bobbys4eva at 11:35 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

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