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Do you tell another mom when her kid is being too agressive with your kid?

my close friend has a bully of a 5 year old who continually is aggressive to my almost 4 year old. i love hanging out with her but think it's getting too much for my kid. my kid isn't an angel by any means and can do his fair share of instigation conflict. but her son is down right mean sometimes and she doesn't always see it because she has twin 3 year olds to chase after as well. i think i might have made a mistake in telling her how my son feels about hers. i think i might have damaged my friendship with her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Feb. 18, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (22)
  • It wouldn't matter eventually, (about the friendship) because you'd end up having to choose your son over hanging out. You will start to back off from playing and then after a while, it'll go by the way side. That is unless you sit her down and tell her, which maybe you did. That's also a good thing and being honest and responsible. She'll have bent feelings but you have to choose your kid, simply put. Been there, done that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • If you have damaged the friendship then she's not really a friend babe.  Yes, I will say something in a heartbeat.  My friend has a 13 year old who likes to rough house with my 5 year old.  Just the other night I had to step in and tell him that enough was enough.  I don't mind them wrestling but save the harsh stuff for kids your own age, ya know.  She stepped in also and we resolved it but she did say that she's not comfortable with bringing him over any more because I am too "over protective" of my 5 year old and that I'm going to end up making him a wuss.  I'm sorry that I feel like choke holds are inappropriate for a 5 year old, lol.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:55 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Tough one to be sure.

    I think that, first and foremost, it's important to teach your children to stand up for themselves. That doesn't mean he/she needs to be physical with the other child, but teach him/her to use their words. This will help build their self esteem and teach them that they are just as worthy as any other child and should not tolerate being treated any other way.

    With regard to your friend, I might just start a conversation about bullying and tell her what you're doing to teach your children how to deal with it. See where it goes from there.

    Good luck with this!!
    5150mama

    Answer by 5150mama at 11:02 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • I will tell you what my 3 year old is a bully. I've tried everything under the sun to have him behave himself & be polite. no clue why he acts that way his sister is the complete opposite, super polite & sweet. If my kid was being a bully to your child I would want you to tell me so that I can punish him. It seems like making him do chores around the house may be working that's where I'm at right now whenever he is mean or hits. Sometimes kids get away with things & you don't even see, I had his teacher send a note home every day now telling me what he does & I'm actually surprised at some of the things he was doing that I never knew. Tell her, she won't be able to correct the behavior w/o knowing.
    jfblaine83

    Answer by jfblaine83 at 11:16 PM on Feb. 18, 2011

  • Of course you are right in telling her about how you noticed that her son is being a bully to yours. If I were you, I would keep an eye on my child and make sure he doesn't get hurt while playing. Don't let him out of your sight. You have a right to protect your son, even at somebody else's house.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:36 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • You have to stick up for your baby right now b/c your child depends on you to stay safe. Don't feel guilty. As a mom herself your friend should be able to see your are just trying to protect your kid. She may be having a hard time and feeling overwhelmed and that may be why she reacted the way she did and didn't even notice how she did.
    BellaKristy

    Answer by BellaKristy at 2:41 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I would say something, along with possible ideas for how we can deal with the situation at future get togethers. If it came down to it though, I'd quit going to play dates if that is what it took to protect my child from another aggressive child.
    ShaunnaMichelle

    Answer by ShaunnaMichelle at 3:31 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I would say something too, your kid comes first and if it did damage the friendship then she wasn't that good of friend then.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 8:59 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I have had several sit-downs with parents and children about their children's aggressive behaviors. It's important to do so in a loving and non-threateaning way, and to talk with the child with the parent(s) present about what you expect from the child, behavior-wise, and to work with the other parent in developing a consistent pattern of response to aggressive behavior. In all cases, we were able to work through the issues and everyone is better off now. All children want to do the right thing and sometimes all they need are a few clear boundaries and consistency in order to learn what the "right thing" is.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:11 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I do! WHo else is going to advocate for them if their parents won't.
    buzymamaof3

    Answer by buzymamaof3 at 10:46 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

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