I'll try to keep this as short as possible.
DH and I have been married for almost 8 years. Three years ago, I discovered he was having an affair with a co-worker; although he insisted all they did was kiss twice. I never believed that. I always said that there were two things that were deal breakers for me in my marriage. 1. any type of abuse toward me or my child and 2. Infidelity, yet when it came down to it, I couldn't leave. I loved my husband more than anything and I've been through so much in my life, he has always been my rock. I was devastated and he cried with me and SWORE it was over and he would NEVER hurt me like this again.
For the next 3 years, I've suspected that he was still seeing her, but I couldn't prove it, and any time I would ask him a question, he would just lie anyway, so I stopped asking, telling myself that IF he was still cheating, he'd slip up eventually and I'd know.
Well, in May, I confronted him and asked about him calling her. He denied it and got so angry he packed a bag, saying he needed to stay with a friend for "a couple days to clear his head". Guess where he went? STRAIGHT to the whore's house, where he stayed for the next 7 months. We were still talking every day, he would tell me how much he loved me. We were in marriage counseling and he promised to move back in during the holidays. Keep in mind that, at this point, I was unaware that he was staying with her; although I suspected. He did come home and sleep here Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The next day, I did some detective work and found un-disputable proof that he was staying at her house. I confronted him with it and he tried to lie, at first, then realized I had proof and wasn't going to back down. I kicked him out and buried myself in my bed for the next week. He kept calling and texting me, telling me how much he loves me and is just confused.
I KNOW I deserve better than how he's treated me, but the bottom line is: I still love him. Even through all the hurt and lies, I still love him.
He swears to me it's over and I now have complete control over our banking, his computer and phones. Trust is something I don't know I can ever give him again, but my new motto is "trust but verify".
Here are my issues: They work together; although in different offices across town from each other, but their paths do cross from time to time. This sort of thing is HIGHLY frowned upon in their workplace. He's a police detective and she is an admin. If I were to report it, he would certainly lose his job because he's a sworn officer and this is behavior unbecoming. She might lose her job as well. Ideally, I would like him to move to another department, but so many departments in our area are laying officers off, so it's unreasonable.
He has also said that, if we WERE to divorce (he filed papers in early December but couldn't bring himself to have me served), he would take care of me and my son and I wouldn't have to worry about the money. Because we're in CA. and have been married less than 10 years, I'm only entitled to spousal support for half the term of our marriage. I'm medically retired, so I can't work, so YES, money is a factor.
I have had to restrain myself soooooooooo much by not confronting this bitch! I called her cell number once to see if it was hers because it showed up on our phone bill so many times. She had the nerve to tell MY husband she didn't "need the drama". If you don't want the drama bitch, don't spread your legs to MY husband!!!!!
So, now I really want to call her and give her a piece of my mind and tell her that if she doesn't stay away from my husband I WILL make it my life's mission to make her life miserable, especially with her peers at work. But........I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I don't want to piss my DH off for fear he won't honor his promise to support us, or won't come home if I do this.
If you were me, would you confront her?
Answer by Anna92464 at 2:30 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 2:41 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Answer by Congenial at 2:56 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Answer by etown2reds at 3:14 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Answer by Congenial at 3:57 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Oh, wow the whole department knows. Then it maybe best to not make yourself look bad by doing anything to her or even him since everyone knows. People will look more highly upon you if you stand strong in this whole thing.
Answer by Congenial at 4:29 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Answer by Congenial at 4:52 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Answer by JeannieBee at 4:57 AM on Feb. 19, 2011
Next question overall
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