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1 Bump

To baby... or not to baby?

So, I met with a new doctor not that long back (for a second opinion with my third doctor due to aggressive, damaging endometriosis), but it really has my husband and I talking. I am 23 and my new doctor just informed me that I would need another surgery soon, and a hysterectomy is inevitable. Actually, I have had 3 doctors tell me that now because my endo is bad and is effing with all my other systems.

Anyways, the doctor had suggested that there might be a 'window' to have another child (I have a little girl who is almost two) and that if we miss it... we may not get another one. This kinda freaks me out, you know? I am NOT ready for another one right now, we can't exactly afford another one right now, but... I don't want to have just one for forever. I would like to give her a sibling or two and I just worry that if we don't do it now, we will never be able to.

I made 11.5k last year, so we really don't have money. My husband is job searching, so money won't ALWAYS be a problem. Another issue is law school; I am starting in August, and already took a year off (mostly to spend it with my daughter because I know it won't happen as much in school), but we could consciously plan accordingly and start trying in a window that would allow me to give birth during my first summer break.

My concerns though are... what if he doesn't find a job? We'd have 2 kids on 11.5k, which is already relatively uncomfortable with 1. If the baby were to be a boy, we'd have to get clothes, toys, ect and couldn't just recycle my daughter's things which is another added disadvantage. I worry that the first few years of the baby's life would be shortchanged, as I would be in law school for multiple hours a day. I contemplate whether or not this is a cop-out though because I had my daughter in the middle of my junior year of college, and she turned out just fine, despite my senior year of school.

I don't know if my fears are valid, or if it is just an excuse.

One more worry for me is health, for two reasons:

1. I was SOOO sick when I was pregnant. I didn't just have morning sickness, I had all the time sickness. The wrong visual, smell, or taste caused the worst pukes. I would vomit so bad I would get stuff stuck in my nose (one time I got a spaghetti noodle stuck there and that HURT).

I also had REALLY bad blood pressure issues. It was SO high it was starting to do damage to my body, and we ended up inducing my daughter the day after her due-date because they were worried it would hurt her (but that didn't start till month 7-ish).

2. I have 2 uterus'. Yes, you read that right: I HAVE TWO. I don't have a heart shaped uterus, so don't get me wrong, I have two fully functioning uteruses side by side, connected by a tiny tunnel-looking thing. One of them is bigger than average, and the other is smaller than average. I worry if the baby latches onto the smaller of the two that it would be born premature and might suffer from developmental delays. I don't know if there is some kind of procedure a doctor can do to locate the sperm and egg to a safe place, but I imagine it being in the little one would be both bad for me and the baby.

--

Despite the illnesses I had during my last pregnancy though, my daughter was TOTALLY worth it, and I feel like another child would be too. I just worry that NOW (as in in the next 6 months) might not be the right time, but am consciously aware this might be the last time we ever get to try.



... what do you think? What would you do?

To baby... or not to baby? This is my question.

Answer Question
 
OmbreGracieuse

Asked by OmbreGracieuse at 7:53 AM on Feb. 19, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 9 (351 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I think that it is never easy to decide when to have a child and that there really isn't a good time to have one. I have 3 children, none of them were planned. I was in college when my middle one was born and graduated 3 months pregnant with my 3rd. My DH and I struggled in the beginning because I worked and went to school and he went to school and worked nights. We didn't make a lot of money and we had to be creative. I bought lots of things from second hand stores, and even tried to go on food stamps at one point. Now my children are 14, 12, and 9, things are better, my DH found a better job and I won't change all the struggles and heart aches for all the fun and love we have.

    IMO if you have a small window and you really want to try I would try. I would never want to look back and regret not trying. If you don't you can always adopt in the future, as another options.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 8:07 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Prayers for you that you find the right decision, and that you get better. I wish I had something more I could tell you, but I don't know that much about endometriosis. Is it possible for you to destress and or move to a more country like location (I know you didn't put where you live, so I'm only assuming you fit the current population demographic for your age and live in or near a city)? Have you ever read the "Perscription for Nutritional Healing"? I know it has endometriosis in there, and there are lots of healthy suggestions for improving your situation. You could see if any of those help your endometriosis to subside a bit. It might buy you some more time. Otherwise, i do agree with cornflakegirl3's statement "I would never want to look back and regret not trying". Best of luck to you and your family.
    ladymomtraveler

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 8:24 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Ultimately the decision is yours but from what I read, I say don't do it especially if you feel you can always adopt later on. I don't know where you live, but 11k is really hard to live on just about anywhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people who feel you need to make $1 million just to have a kid, but if you honestly feel you can't afford it, don't do it. And with all the pregnancy health issues you mentioned, you may not want to try again still. Also, if you do have the hysterectomy, make sure they don't take your ovaries or at least retrieve eggs before hand if you don't want to adopt. That way you can try surrogacy if you feel comfortable. I really do wish you the best. I'm 28 and I couldn't imagine at 23 what it would feel like contemplating having your last child.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 9:06 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • coming from someone who thought they could never have a baby and is having her first at 28....i would take the window that i am being given and give it my best shot because its not a sure thing anyway that your tiny window will lead to what you want it to...money troubles are always something to think about but if you want another baby you can also try freezing your eggs for later and try a gestational host later on if you decide its time for baby number 2
    ahsot1230

    Answer by ahsot1230 at 2:07 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

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